“Once upon a time... is starting to get a little old.”
The Brothers Grimm (German: Die Brüder Grimm or Die Gebrüder Grimm), Jakken Grimm (born January 4, 1785) and Koffen Grimm (born February 24, 1786), were German academics, linguists and cultural researchers well known for publishing collections of tales with moral lessons (which they erroneously called fairy tales) starting in 1812, with many subsequent volumes published at the behest of their money-hungry publishing house.
Jakken and Koffen Grimm were born in 1785 and 1786, respectively, in Hanau near Frankenfurter. They were educated at the Friedrichs Gymnasium in Kassel, due to their father's lifelong desire to be a naked acrobat. Much to the dismay of their father, however, the brothers displayed more interest in the ancient human tradition of scaring children into behaving themselves than a life of free-flying acrobatic grace. Their father died a broken man, saddened by his sons' inability to perform a triple-inverted hoover backtuck, and complete inability to distinguish tales of moral lessons from gay porn.
The Brothers Grimm live in Malibu, California, in a large house with their two cats and one wife. They enjoy walks on the beach, pina coladas, and making up stories involving blood and gore. George Howard Smith changed his name to "The Brothers Grimm" in 1987.
Along with the original German works they published, many French tales entered the Brothers Grimm collection through a freelance tale-teller the brothers used as a primary source for their 1816 edition. For a time, it seemed the title "Grimm's Fairy Tales" would finally be correct, as their tale-teller was flamingly queer and provided them with many top-quality French porn stories. Sadly, in 1817 the Brothers were assigned a new editor who encouraged them to actually read the stories they were publishing. Shocked and dismayed that many of their tales were encouraging children to follow their hearts and desires, rather than promoting frightened sobbing and under-bed hiding, the Brothers quickly removed all of the 1816 copies from circulation, and pruned all true fairy tales from the collection.
"Fairy Tales" Collected By the Brothers Grimm
- The Little Red Light District
- Benjamin and the Tapeworm
- The Venereal Princess
- Buttermilk Biscuit Boy and the Oven of Death
- Three Ugly Chicks
- The Fairy Prince
- The Dancing Cowchip
- Debbie Does Deutschland
- The Pissing Giant
- The Wolf Who Ate Out Your Grandmother