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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

I was a little dubious when my dear friend Leonidas suggested that tonight we dine in Hell. But he assured me that it was the up and coming place for both "being seen" and for the best in quality cuisine. As he has had such a hard time recently, what with madness, betrayal and ultimately being slaughtered, I felt that it was only fair he decided on the venue for our tête-à-tête, dubious though I was about the skill of the head chef at this establishment.

My first impression of the ambiance was not good. I found it rather dark and oppressive, although the fire pits did give a somewhat cheery glow to the surroundings. As soon as I announced my name the head waiter was only too pleased to ensure we had the best of tables of course. I chose one close to a fire pit that was mostly unoccupied, which kept the amount of distracting screaming to a minimum.

I spotted my dear friend Hitler over on another table. I've not seen him for years now, so I knew he would be overjoyed to see me again. Sadly the spikes that were holding him to the table as he was buggered by two ostriches prevented him from greeting me in the proper manner. I took his screams of pain as he obviously intended them, as cries of pleasure at my presence.

I chose to start with the deviled eggs. My companion started with a simple red-hot poker up the ass, administered efficiently by our host. My eggs were unusual, with the added sulfur and brimstone tasting rather tart but not unpleasant. The general impression was of a more meaty dish than I expected, with a unusual salty after-taste. Indeed, they were more reminiscent of oysters than of eggs. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
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... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?

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In the news [edit]

Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

The Kremlin: Vladimir Putin "totally didn't participate in a Pride parade, nothing to see here.."
Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit
Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy
Michael Jackson comes back to life
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh
Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict
Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity

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On this day [edit]

"If Guy Fieri can pull it off, why can't I?"

June 8: Your Friends are Totally Trying to Kill You Day

1213 - The Vatican, under Pope Innocent III, creates purgatory.
1312 - King Edward II became the first man to successfully grow a goatee. (Pictured)
1798 - North Dakota moves from the south of South Dakota to the north of South Dakota, to better fit its name.
1861 - Tennessee secedes from the Union after being called a pussy by South Carolina.
1949 - Author George Orwell writes his seminal classic, Nineteen Eighty-Four, thirty-five years two early.
1977 - Kanye West drops a generation-defining EP minutes after being born.
2017 - You read this entry, but you wished you hadn't bothered.

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Tsar Wars Episode IV: No Hope

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