User:Main Page

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From today's featured article 

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Hello, reader. It seems you have found this article whilst browsing half-heartedly through the Uncyclopedia bookshelf. However, this article is incredibly depressing; I myself sometimes cry like a baby at night, my face slowly vanishing from existence, because of the horrors of this article.

My name is Lemony Snicket, and I am the socially insecure author of an extremely melancholy series of books. I have also written this article, which happens to be about said books. I have promised to inform the public of this terrible tale, no matter how sad I may get, but if you are interested in articles with happy endings, you would certainly be better off reading some other article, for example one about innocent little kittens, or perhaps something about a 19th-century poet whose works are no doubt more uplifting than mine. That way, you would never have to know about A Series of Unfortunate Events, all of which are documented below.

This particular tale is one of misery and woe. Some people think it is over-the-top and dramatic, but those people don't understand what it's like to lose a loved one, or become an outlaw, or win a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award — you just want more and more, you smarmy bastards! Shame on you! Shame on you all for ever clicking on the link that took you to this depressing article in the first place! Um, anyway, its main characters are three sad children who must face burden after burden in order to finally settle down happily. They are constantly stalked by a wheezing, greedy, evil old man named Count Olaf, and are surrounded by adults who do not understand their problems. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
  • ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
  • ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?

In the news 

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Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

On this day 

Showing off on his motorcycle to some high school chicks would seal his fate.

June 2: Doris Day

Picture of the day

Pen Island
 This is just tasteless. Absolutely juvenile!

Image credit: User:Zana Dark
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,699 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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