User:JJPMaster/mp

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37,710 articles in English

From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Sicilian Man: America has been kind to me. Her milk has provided me with many children, who I love dearly. But my eldest daughter, she is an idiot. She wears sweaters that do not expose her breasts. She has been running away from explosions in slow motion a lot less than usual. She is different to people like you and me, people who speak in clichés and patriotic tripe. Then two weeks ago, I saw her reading a book. A book! This is America. She doesn't even have a nice rack. I tried to provide for her, but no matter how hard I try, she won't get into a car chase or have an inane love affair. I don't know what to do.

A hand comes from offscreen and gives the man a glass of brandy.

Don Vito Corleone: And what is it you want me to do on this day of days my daughter's wedding who I love and think is great?

Sicilian Man: Oh Godfather, your horribly written dialogue just brings home the fact that I need you to do this.

Don Vito: Then what is it you want me to do? (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

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In the news [edit]

Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

The Kremlin: Vladimir Putin "totally didn't participate in a Pride parade, nothing to see here.."
Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit
Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy
Michael Jackson comes back to life
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh
Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict
Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity

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On this day [edit]

June 10: Try a New Crappy Foreign Cuisine to Seem Cultured Day

40K BC - World population becomes 14½ after strange boulder incident.
1204 BC - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, but only after great sacrifice.
1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke.
2003 - The Spirit Rover is sent to Mars after getting banned from all American Airlines flights. (Pictured)
2010 - Family Guy renewed for its 47th season.
2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs, his first press announcement: "I was just kidding, uh-huh."
2010 - First Koala is sent to the Moon, entire world goes "Awwww".
2016 - The sun sets, and nothing changes.

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Picture of the day

The flag of Turkey, as it has appeared since 1844.

Image credit: Sinspawn
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