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Today's featured article From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America was a grass-roots political organization which was (apparently) the sole driving force behind the ban of pay toilets in many American cities and states. Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." “When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom.” ~ Ira Gessel (More...) Did you know... *... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? In the news Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy Michael Jackson comes back to life Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity On this day... June 1: International Children's Day 1212 - Over thirty-thousand peasant children march to the Holy Land to drive the wicked Saracens from Jerusalem! Saracens rejoice at wholesale savings. 1853 - Concept of childhood invented to annoy parents, before this, children were treated like malformed little people who turned into adults when belted enough. 1943 - After months of rigorous testing, German scientists finally disprove theory that boys are made out of snips, snails and puppy dog tails. 1954 - Beloved novel about the inherent savagery of British children is published, is immediately banned in the U.S due to perceived homosexual undertones. 1979 - Film adaptation of Newbery Award winning novel, The Dog Who Went to Heaven Because he Died, wins another Newbery Award. 1991 - Little boy who lives down the street dies from rat poison hidden in strangers' candy, and disrespecting his grandpa. 2006 - Widespread protests following allegations that the CIA tortured Jihadis by making them eat cafeteria food. Colonization of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.