Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
“Peter…” My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll. “Why don’t you get a job?”
“But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!” I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be.
“Pah!” Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper. “That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!”
“Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!”
“Go where?” He says lowering the paper. “It's not like you have a job.”
And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there?
“When is it you’re on that cruise again?” I ask as my parting shot. Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it! (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
- ... that the butler did it?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
- ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
In the news
- Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
- YouTube is dead
- D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
- Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
- Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
- NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
- Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
- Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
- Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
- Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
- Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
- Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
- Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
- Santa's Elves on strike
- UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
- Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?
Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol)
On this day
May 18: "We Can Eat Cows Today" Day (India)
- 441 BC - Oedipus Rex, after learning the awful truth about his wife/mother, kills her and marries his father instead.
- 218 BC - Hannibal crosses the Alps and right as he makes it to Italy, realizes he could have just taken the ferry.
- 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions: time is paused for five hours and twenty-three minutes before resuming.
- 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall, all the King's horses and all the King's men are executed by Soviets for being counterrevolutionaries.
- 1991 - Vegetables banned from the White House after George H. W. Bush discovers illicit affair between Barbara Bush and a man with severe cerebral palsy.
- 2014 - You have an erotic dream about your brother, you can't stand to look at him all day.
- 2017 - A Tyrannosaurus rex is successfully cloned in a Chinese lab, chooses to major in business instead of man-eating to the chagrin of Jurassic Park fans.
Picture of the day
In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley. Image credit: NewMess1ah |
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
Sister projects
-
UnNews
News on crack -
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia -
Undictionary
Best left unsaid -
UnTunes
Noisy things -
UnGames
Ways to waste away -
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures -
UnBooks
Content-free books -
Unquotable
Useless misquotes -
Uncycloversity
No student loans -
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred -
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant -
UnScripts
We ruin stage too -
Why?
Because -
UnReviews
Hack frauds -
UnVoyage
Armchair travel -
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,690 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.
- More than 10,000 articles: Português · Boarisch · 日本語 · Polski · Plattdüütsch · Italiano · Español · Français
- More than 1,000 articles: Suomi · Dansk · Deutsch · 한국어 · 正體中文 · 汉语 · Русский · Norsk (Bokmål) · Bahasa Indonesia · Česky · ไทย · Esperanto · Ελληνικά · Nederlands · Galego · עברית · Svenska · Slovenčina · Magyar · Українська
- More than 100 articles: فارسی · عَرَبِيّ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg