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You have two cows is the ultimate philosophical truth. All categories except Category Nine (How mooriginal) may contain contributions from the Internet as well as Uncyclopedians. Mathematical proof that you have two cows lies in moometric identity:

$Moo\cdot \left(\sin \left(Cow_{A}\right)+\cos \left(Cow_{B}\right)\right)\,\!=2\cdot {Cows}$

This mathematical proof can also be written with the second moometric identity:

$\log _{moo}{\left(Cow_{A}\right)}+\log _{moo}{\left(Cow_{B}\right)}\,\!=\log _{\left(2\,Cow\right)}{\left(Moo\right)}$

Where Moo is the universal moometric constant.

A longstanding tradition of mathematics is discovering new truths pertaining to two-cow ownership. Currently, ~~45,893~~ ~~45,894~~ ~~45,895~~ ~~45,896~~ ~~45,897~~ ~~45,898~~ ~~45,899~~ 45,900 are known. (Full article...)

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... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

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Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

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Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
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Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
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On this day [edit]

June 9: Moose Conservation Day (Canada)

1920 - First solar-powered air balloon launched at night.
1926 - First refrigerator invented, used to kill people slowly and coldly, scientists decide it is better to use a refrigerator to keep food cold instead.
1940 - The team of scientists at Los Alamos construct the world's first nuclear weapons after the US government's promise to only use them for peaceful nuclear bombings.
1969 - Sex is created, scientists do not think it will be a big hit.
1988 - The VHS video entitled Steal This Movie becomes the world's most widely stolen merchandise. Politicians baffled.
1993 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Supreme Court.
2003 - Open-Heart Surgery for Dummies notches its record breaking 500th lawsuit.
2005 - On this Moose Conservation Day, nothing moose-related is mentioned.

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Islamic extremists are unsure how to react to this sketch of what may or may not be the back of Mohammad's head.

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