Expletive
“GO SUCK A RAT'S COCK!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your PISS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your railing. BITCH
Complete Unabridged history of TAMPON IN MY ASS use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age sloppily touched his PISS OFF MY ASS pastry and was so dissatisfied by the results that he modeled a BELLEND and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the wet scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their CAMBODIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of BOOBS-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a WIENER for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say SNUFF PORN. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted ASSCRACK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody CHIGGER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some WIGGER, do you savvy, you SHITS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie NAZIS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called BITCH-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey FUCK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SHIT HORSE SHIT currys on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- ASS FASCIST!!!
- SHITTY!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You GOD DAMMIT!!!
- You BASTARD!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- lick in BUGGER OFF, you BALLS!
- I hope you baptize in FUCKHEAD, you WANK!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This TESTICLE CHOKE CLAY AIKEN'S DICK BUTT-HEAD will jump a leash up your GIVING HEAD!!!
- This JERK OFF ASSCRACK will rinse a skyscraper up your MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some BELLEND and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING crinkle a osteoporosis up your RAT'S COCK!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- TACO BITCH CLIT INCEST DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! SOD BUGFUCK!!
- KIDDY FIDDLER PRICK I WILL KILL YOU! BALLS!!!
A bunch of TWISTY VAGINA[edit | edit source]
COCKSUCKER CRAP ON A STICK SAGGY TITS FUCKER BIGNOSE BITCH IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! DAMN NIPPLES SHITTING DICK NIPPLES FUCKER HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FELLATIO GARBAGE DAY! GENITALIA IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EXPLETIVE SAYS YOU!! COON DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKER WANKER TITMOUSE COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS PRICK HELL BASTARD SEX TESTICLE CHOKE [Insert silly non-swear here] BITCH PISS ARTIST LAKE TITICACA ASS LICKER PISS UP MY ARSE DICKHEAD DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT PENIS CHINK BOOBIES GOD DAMMIT DICKHEAD WANK ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP CUNT ANUSCAKE PENIS CROTCH CUNTYMINTS CHOAD KISSER DIRTY SANCHEZ INJUN WANKER SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM JACKASS PISS ARTIST ASSFACE DAMMIT CLEVELAND STEAMER SHITFACE FUCKING CUNT FUCK HELL GRAPE PENIS KAFFIR FRED PHELPS ASS GOAT DICK MOZILLA FIREFOX FUCKING FUCKFUCKER RUSTY TROMBONE AMERICA ONLINE SHITHEAD BUTTFUCKER CUNT TRANNY KEN GRIFFEY JR. PRESENTS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS THE BEST FUCKING BASEBALL VIDEO GAME OF 1994 PIECE OF SHIT JACKASS FUCK HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS GOOK FUCK OFF DAMNATION BALL SACK LIMEY FUCKING BITCH DIPSHIT EAT MY SHIT! SCROTUM FLYING FUCK ASSCRACK TACO CHENEY PUSSYLICKER BOOBS MONKEY SHIT SCUMBAG BLOWJOB TITTYWANK CLEVELAND STEAMER EXTRA LONG PENIS BEAVER RAGHEAD FEMADOM BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CUNT.