Chris Brown
“To be the best, you must beat the best.”
“We were very disappointed that the fresh meat didn't make it in...”
Christopher Maurice "Chris Breezy" Brown (born May 5, 1989) is a terrible American R&B singer, songwriter, dancer, and actor. He is ALSO A WOMAN BEATER! He made his recording debut in late 2005 with the self-titled album Chris at the age of 16. The album featured the hit single "I Beat Dat Hoe Wit Her Umbrella!", which topped the Billboard Hot 100, making Brown the first male artist to have his debut single top the chart for domestic abuse since Ike Turner in 1975.
Despite being terrible and beating Rihanna, thus getting cancelled by white people media, he still appears in literally half of all RNB, hip hop, and now even Afro beats songs as a "featured artist", and he still gets all the chicks.
Road To Stardom
Chris - or ("Whack Whack" as the ladies call him) has become famous by hitting women with an amazing rhythm, he can beat really fast or reaaaaallllly sloooowwww. He can beat you from wall to wall, and he can beat you forever (ever, ever, ever)
Beating of Rihanna
"She had it comin'" was Chris' testimony once the police caught him acting out his woman beating fetish in his Hollywood mansion. Apparently Chris asked Rihanna to give him a blow-job but she refused. This led to Chris' outrage and he slapped her across the face approximately 43 times for 12 total damage. Rihanna's Forehead suffered no injuries, due to Chris Brown having the physical strength equal to a 4 year-old girl. Rihanna kicked Chris in the balls with her Carribean "strong girl" strength and instead of falling to the ground in agony like a normal man would, he called her 'a stupid whore' and ran out of the room crying. The police then found him slitting his wrists in a local alleyway.
Woman beating fetish?
The Daily Mail wrote up a story that Chris Brown has a woman beating fetish and often watches Chris Benoit beating women and children; this has been denied by Brown's sisters, fans, and even my own sister and girlfriend who claim "he [Chris] is nothing more than a friendly guy who likes to beat the fuck out of women... but it's alright 'cause he kinda cute though. And he apologized for it."
Consequences
None. He is rich, so will probably suffer little to no consequences for his actions.
Nor did his album sales ever diminish even though he's essentially been cancelled by all white people media. Despite rich white men rightfully recognizing his taboo status, white girls and the black community don't care and still stream his shitty music. Even Lil Dicky wanted to be him and body-swapped with him at one point before Chris threatened Lil Dicky, but it was all cool, allegedly.
Freedom
Chris Brown was set free on Monday the 22nd of June after rigorously beating and bribing the Judge and anyone else who was there in the courtroom. He is now doing 180 days of hard NON-BEATING community service in Virginia, and is being forced to take Domestic non-beating therapy where he learns that NOT beating women is one of the facts of a nigga's life.
Chris Brown now also must stay away from Rihanna for biased fear of bashing is at an all time high for the NON-BEATING community in America.
Later life
Chris Brown dealt with not being able to beat Rihanna by smoking weed with Wiz Khalifa, then doing molly, and acting a fool. Then by sneaking out with Rihanna again for five years after the beating incident.. wait she forgave him?? And they still friends??
Brown also dated a tiny half-Asian chick named Karruche until she dumped him for cheating on her. He totally also beat her! No, I don't care that she practices like 50 martial arts and is 50 times stronger than that beanpole that Chris is. HE STILL BEAT HER!
He also beat and raped like 50 trillion girls and stole all my copyrights!! And I'm still standing by my stance on this as I personally filed all those lawsuits against him! I don't care that all of them were "proven false", that Chris won a $50 million judgment against me, and that the court served me an indefinite restraining order from him, saying that I was the sole cause of all his bipolar episodes from 2012 to 2018.
Oh hey honey, where you goin.. YOU LEAVIN ME?? Whaddya mean I gotta stop with my "hate boner" on Chris Brown? Whaddya mean Suge Knight, Dr. Dre, R. Kelly, Harvey Weinstein, Tory Lanez, P. Diddy, and Drake have done worse things than him, and that you agree all my claims aside from Rihanna have been "proven false"? Whaddya mean I'm jealous of Chris Brown's dancing and singing abilities?? HE CAN'T DANCE OR SING!! CHRIS BROWN BEATS WOMEN!
Music Career
Chris should not be allowed to make music anymore! He works with Justin Bieber sometimes, and not to mention, HE A WAHMAN BEATER!! But as my now ex-girlfriend used to say, making that shitty music is a good way to distract himself from beating other women. I got a better idea: why don't he just stop beating women and stop making music.. by dropping dead?
Hm, just got a TikTok notification from my now-ex girlfriend. She's making new music... WITH CHRIS BROWN?? AGHGHGGHGH!!!!
Discography
Solo albums
- Christopher Brown (2005)
- XXXClusive (2007)
- Vandalism (2009)
- I Beat Up Rihanna (2011)
- Unlucky (2012)
- XXX (2014)
- My Daughter (2015)
- Full Hearts on a New Moon (2017)
- Purple (2019)
- It Took Me Several Years to Release This (2022)
- 11th Hour Beating (2023)
Collaborative albums
- We Recorded This Album While Stoned! (with Tyga, 2015)
- Crime 'n Beatings (with Young Thug, 2020)
Featured credits
- At this point maybe Chris should consider being a point guard with all these assists. This ain't basketball, baby!
See also
- American musicians
- Groove
- Gangsta Rappers
- Singers
- Musicians Who Use Auto-Tune
- Musicians Without Talent
- Black people
- Really Angry People
- People you should never leave your girlfriend alone with
- Celebutards
- People who can't sing even with autotune
- Bat Fuck Insane
- Musicians
- People no one likes
- Wannabe rappers
- Articles about a subject written in the style of haters of the subject
- People You Wish You Were