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From today's featured article
“Sweet dreams, Fishhook!” – Amanda Steele on having just rendered someone named Fishhook unconscious
Amanda Steele, Action Cop is a member of the L.A.P.D.'s special (and highly secret) ACTION unit, an elite unit totally unconcerned with normal, day-to-day crime, but instead trained to do battle with Asian drug cartels, the Russian mafia, terrorist groups, and rogue gangs of corrupt police officers.
Steele has a reputation as a "renegade cop" who plays by her own rules. However, unlike most renegade cops, the chief of police she reports to is not an angry, slightly obese black man. Instead, he is a square-jawed white man in his mid-20s who will openly admit to her in nearly every conversation that her methods may be unorthodox, but, God damn it, she gets results. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
- ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
- ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
- ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
In the news
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends
On this day
February 28: Finnish Cultural Appreciation Day
- 1835 - The Finnish Tourism Board publishes the Kalevala, an obvious ripoff of Tolkien, and declares the day a national holiday.
- 1847 - American forces nearly capture the Mexican town of Chihuahua, but are quickly torn to shreds by packs of those selfsame canines.
- 1935 - Nylon is invented, to fill the niche of fabrics that don't sufficiently chafe your nipples.
- 1939 - The word dord is unjustly removed from the dictionary by pernicious grammarians with no sense of humor.
- 1991 - The Gulf War ends, troops glad they never have to go back to Iraq or the Middle East ever again.
- 1993 - The ATF lay siege to a cult compound in Waco, Texas, decide to use guns instead of trebuchets.
Picture of the day
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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
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