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From today's featured article
The Polar bear (Ursus vegetarius) is native to the Arctic, and is the largest and friendliest land mammal in Canada. Like its close cuddly relative the cuddly Panda, it is classified in the order carnivora even though it is strictly herbivorous. Due to its popularity in the Coca-Cola commercials it is projected to surpass the panda in cuteness and cuddliness by the year 2012. If you see a Polar Bear, you should totally approach it and give it a friendly hug, because their fur is so snuggly and soft. They have a wholly undeserved reputation as ferocious predators, when in fact they couldn't be more cuddly, and can be easily beaten in a fight - for more information, see HowTo:Beat a Polar Bear in a Fight. Polar Bears are your friends. Whatever those pesky penguins tell you. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
In the news
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports
Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller
Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora
On this day
March 25: International Moose Preservation Day
- 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas.
- 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant.
- 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed.
- 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's.
- 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly.
- 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals.
- 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers.
- 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time.
Picture of the day
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Imagine a world in which the sum of all human knowledge is in your hand. Image credit: SunnyChow |
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