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From today's featured article
Wes Anderson was born on May 1, 1969, in Houston, Texas, one of three sons, the other being artist Eric Chase Anderson and an unnamed other. His father was estranged and his mother was religious. Eventually, his mother decided to become a nun and when his father died, his mother couldn't come to the funeral as she was too busy fixing this church in a remote village somewhere in Northern India. Some say this incident was the inspiration behind the Darjeeling Limited, but I digress.
People say that he was inspired by film when he went to college. Others say no. I think he got the idea when he was a security guard and he had an obsession with putting everything in the store in a certain way so the objects on his tiny TV screen wouldn't be a total eyesore. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
In the news
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about
On this day
February 21: Put Off Learning a Foreign Language Day
- 1848 - Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish The Communist Manifesto, 100 billion people instantly die.
- 1918 - The last Carolina Parakeet dies after calling the local constable a cracker. (Pictured)
- 1948 - Lazy people create NASCAR to have a sport where you can sit the whole time.
- 1952 - Winston Churchill wonders how he can get away with being such a flaming racist.
- 1965 - Malcom X is assassinated by the Nation of Islam, which is a real Nation of Islam sort of thing to do.
- 2017 - You uninstall the Duolingo app on your phone after you can't commit to 15 minutes of learning Spanish a day. Ay pobrecito.
Picture of the day
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This film is brought to you by The Number Eight: The number of muppets it takes to save one. Image credit: Sonje |
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