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From today's featured article

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Today I arrived at last in the little village of Butpluk in the Carpathian Mountains. This is the village nominated by Count Dracula as the place I should meet his agent, Michael Fate of Grim, Black, Fate and Associates, who will convey me to the Count's castle in a Ford hire carriage. How I do hope that I am successful in this enterprise! If my firm is happy with me I shall have a promotion! At long last, I shall be Junior Undersoliciter grade IIb! With an extra four shillings thruppence per annum I will at long last be making enough money to buy my beloved Mina a fruit bowl! Perhaps, when she realises how I have triumphed in the organisation of her melons, she will wish to marry me!

The locals are rather withdrawn. The landlord was friendly at first, but since I mentioned my business with Count Dracula he has treated me very oddly. Every time he sees me, he waves a crucifix or a string of garlic at me. I imagine that perhaps this is some form of local menu. I mouth "NOT HUNGRY" back at him and point at my stomach, but then he just laughs and makes a throat cutting gesture, and then mimes dying, while his wife tries not to weep helplessly. It's perplexing but there's nothing you can't solve with a smile. Glad I brought some sandwiches, though. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
  • ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
  • ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
  • ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
  • ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?

In the news

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Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter ParalympicsSaturn AwardsChucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him • BuffyXander Harris

Upcoming deaths: WeedDancin' MaduroIranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Every Cesar Chavez Street's name

On this day

Any excuse to use Alphonse Mucha art, it's culture people

March 21: Vernal Equinox... Probably

  • 5 AD - The first recorded instance of the question "What Would Jesus Do?" occurs when his mother asks what he wants for breakfast.
  • 1890 - Oscar Wilde pens his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray in the vicinity of one of his favorite sources of inspiration, a kitchen sink.
  • 1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is dictated to several secretaries, ending World War I. One of them is a German spy and covertly adds a clause mandating a sequel.
  • 1931 - The electric guitar is introduced, resulting in the genre of Rock 'n Roll being born and enjoying its peak during the Great Depression.
  • 1943 - In the last recorded mounted cavalry charge, soldiers on horseback from Austria-Hungary charge a battalion of Russian tanks and succeed in destroying 80% of them using only their broadswords and ceremonial poofy hats.
  • 1993 - The first video is uploaded on the internet: a skin flute performance.

Picture of the day

Canadian Special Forces
In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley.

Image credit: NewMess1ah
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This article was one of the Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2025
Top 10 articles of 2025