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From today's featured article

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We gotta problem here boys, and it ain't goin' away by prayin' about it, I can tellz ya dat. Ya all know what I'm talkin' about. Festivus: Dat holiday celebrated on December 23rd dat dat polite Jew boy Seinfeld came up with. It's got me peein' my pants, and I'll tell you why.

For a long time we've had dis thing, dis Christmas, all to ourselves. Biggest moneymaker since da mugs came up with mortal sin. Sure, sure, we had to wrestle Christmas away from da pagans, Jews, and dose other witches. Then some of da other boys, youse Lutherans and Pressbeterians and dem, dey started piggybacking on da meal ticket. Cock-a-roaches.

But even so, Christmas was still pretty much ours, all de way from St. Peta takin' the reigns to Santa Claus providin' backup. But I dares ya to take a nun, a shovel, and a flashlight, and go underneath the Vatican and order her to start diggin'. Know what yu'd find? St. Peta and Claus spinin' in dere graves, right next to Jesus and Holy Mudda Mary in deres doin' backflips. All because of a goddamn TV show! (Full article...)

Did you know...

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In the news

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Take that, Betty White!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as PrinceRich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirementRavens fans hiding in a corner after another choke

Recent deaths: The pennyUdo KierJimmy CliffWarner Bros.Sheen EstevezChet UbetchaDoug DimmadomeZed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal FarmKansas City Chiefs' season • Rob ReinerBowen Yang's tenure on SNLDallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song ContestDEIIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBCDonald TrumpNYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCardDick van Dyke, eventually • 2025

On this day

A Festivus for the rest of us!

December 23: Festivus

  • 1402 - Frank Constanza invents Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us."
  • 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off part of his left ear, sells it on eBay for three times the list price.
  • 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole (Pictured) to America, get rid of the tinsel as it's "too distracting."
  • 1954 - The first successful piano transplant is performed, following failed attempts on organs and harpsichords.
  • 1970 - Ted Cruz molts for the first time! He eats the scaly residue for sustenance.
  • 2000 - Competing holiday Christmas Eve Eve gets laughed off the room by good, correct people.
  • 2006 - Your uncle makes a scene during the Airing of Grievances, makes the rest of the day awkward.
  • 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.

Picture of the day

Big Snail
Yet another instance of the deplorable, ferocious blood feud between the French and their mortal enemies.

Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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