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From today's featured article
At 6:55 this morning, my alarm clock went off. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
- ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
In the news
- Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK (Pictured)
- Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago
- Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun
Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers', Philadelphia Eagles', and Pittsburgh Steelers' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career, maybe
On this day
January 13: Julius Caesar's New Year's Eve
- 45 BC - Julius Caesar celebrates New Year's thirteen days late, after everyone else is already done with that sort of thing, angering the Senate. (Pictured)
- 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers the fourth satellite of Jupiter, but initially confuses it for a hemorrhoid.
- 1942 - Henry Ford gets a patent for his new automobile, which is 50% more Nazi than regular cars.
- 1996 - Annie Lennox accidentally breaks wind near a microphone, is immediately awarded two Grammys and a BRIT award.
- 1998 - Gay activist sets himself on fire in St. Peter's Square to protest the Catholic Church's condemnation of self-immolation.
- 2012 - Cruise ship Costa Concordia tips over on its side after a celebrity cooking class puts cream on their pasta carbonara.
Picture of the day
| 28 Gays Later is a post-apocalyptic horror/shocker film released in 2008. It has become a cult film in the city of San Francisco, as much of its imagery and drama hit home with many fans describing it as the most hoboerotic experience since Top Gun. The film's sequel, 28 Twinks Later, proved to be a box office disappointment. Image credit: Sonje |
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- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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