Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
Science fiction offers readers and viewers alternate realities, often more realistic than reality itself. Taking them to the vast reaches of outer and inner space, putting some weird 23rd century technologies in their hands, and introducing them to attractive aliens just itching to make love to starship captains, science fiction routinely feeds its fans questionable plot devices in the midst of action-packed adventures. Time travel, Robots, faster-than-light travel and alien civilizations strangely resembling the Huan dynasty are all common elements in tales where the heroes and heroines dodge lasers, giant insects, and alien spouses.
Science fiction can be as real as a lightsabre to your midsection or as malleable and transitory as the most surreal of dreams. Never mind logic, or physics, or even common sense. Put aside everything you know about time, history, or distance; science fiction just asks you to sit back and enjoy the ride. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends
On this day
March 2: International Genderflip Cartoon Characters Day
- 1797 - The Bank of England issues the country's first currency to feature a smug, grinning monarch.
- 1867 - First Reconstruction laws: replaces slavery with "technically-not-slavery", which is not slavery. Technically.
- 1917 - The people of Puerto Rico are granted U.S. citizenship, to make the colonial exploitation that much more painful.
- 1946 - President Ho Chi Minh is declared "most likely to ferment Communist insurrection" in high school yearbook.
- 1961 - John F. Kennedy starts the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad.
- 1995 - Yahoo! is created, Nintendo immediately sues the site for stealing Mario's orgasm sound.
- 2017 - Scientists discover a side-effect of watching Guy Fieri (Pictured) marathons on the Food Network: severe internal bleeding.
Picture of the day
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And they said it couldn't be done. Image credit: Tom mayfair |
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