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From today's featured article 

Portrait of Gouverneur Morris (1752-1816), 1817.jpg

Gouverneur Morris was a Founding Father of the United States and the author of the Preamble to the United States Constitution. He was rich, influential, and wore only the finest powdered wigs. Then he shoved a whale bone up his dickhole and died.

Morris was born in 1752 in Morrisania. The Morrises were the kind of wealthy landowning family that thought "Morrisania" was a perfectly normal thing to name your house and "Gouverneur" was a perfectly normal thing to name your baby. Morris's birth was a notoriously difficult one. After thirty-six hours of labor, his mother, exhausted and delirious, famously cried out, "Does my baby draw breath? Does he yet live?"

"Yeah," said the midwife. "He'll be just fine as long as he doesn't shove a whale bone up his dickhole. That will be forty cents." Ironically they had to use forceps to remove them, ones made out of whalebone. That may have started a thing with Morris. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Adrian Bors.jpg
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
  • ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
  • ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
  • ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
  • ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?

In the news 

Yankeessuck small2.jpg
YANKEES SUCK!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • Mark Butt-fumble's TV career • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed

On this day 

Peaceful demonstration or failed invasion from space?

November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day

  • 1955 - The Soviet Union sets off a massive explosion in space, as part of an alleged plot to kill Capitalist Aliens. "They're green for a reason," says Khrushchev.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the Moon landing, finds it easier to film on location.
  • 1983 - Largest tinfoil hat maker in the U.S. is shut down, just as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1987 - Mystery hacker in a Max Headroom mask hijacks television broadcast nationwide, only to reveal it was a guerilla marketing campaign for Ovaltine.
  • 1990 - Margaret Thatcher steps down as Prime Minister, as part of a Thatcher-led initiative to remove useless jobs in government.

Picture of the day

SwineFlu
 Once the pharmaceutical companies had porked the porcine strain with mother's classic formula, the only epidemic plaguing the world was terrible, terrible puns.

Image credit: Lemsip for providing the original and me for editing as well as coral for letting me edit it.
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