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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Such woe, my bladder filled right to the brim,
If but perchance I sought to take a leak
Yet now my pantaloons now stainèd swim
In urine which now dribbles down my feet!
If only to the loo I'd gone posthaste,
Such musings are the act of lesser men;
My fav'rite pair of leggings would not waste,
But truth be told, I'll piss my pants again.
I never learned to listen to 'ol Blad
My colon wretches yet I never poo
Now brown and yellow mix with tidings glad,
Instead of me relaxing on the loo.
(Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?

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In the news [edit]

Well, that says a lot...

Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured)
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10

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On this day [edit]

Daonte ghoe thruo doars thaite haiv thize sihn onn theem.

Septumbor 15st: Internashonle Dey ov Mispeld Werdz

31 - Jeshush ammounshes choo de peepll ovv jee woorlg, "yesh lo henchs ittch ish shoo". Bujt onn accoont ovv jee fakt vatt itsh jee Dey ovv Mispeld Werdz, nobboojy nowsh whach hesh shayin.
1915 - Gawd iz kylld in teh Bettle og Verdoon nad Teh Allyz chinces in teh Forrst Wurld Woor r thretend. Teh taink is oosed nad woorks as a sootable reeplacemont.
1928 - Sur Alexandur Flemminge dizkuvvas a tipe ov mold wiv mirakulus heeling propurtees and iz tranzfourmed into an sooperhero, skurge ov orl villins and protektur ov ver peepul ov Goffam Sitty.
1972 - Schevin peepholess go fichsing of tha coust of n00b Jerbsy ind gut totaly pwned awn deir faises biy a bgass fich thingee anf shyt.
2005 - Meny artoocols on thsi dehy luuk soospicioosly lik tehy woor wrritten in Dootch.

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Picture of the day

9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun.

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