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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Evil Jesus, the Messiah to all evil, not-so-evil, and irritable people, is the kind of Messiah who starts a brawl and then stands back to videotape the show. He's the type of Saviour who complains about your favorite movie while his guys lift your wallet. And contrary to popular belief, he is not a friend to the poor. He couldn't care less about them. Yet Evil Jesus is talented in a twisty sort of way. He is responsible for all supernatural events. Ouija boards, psychic mediums, hauntings, out-of-body and in-the-body experiences, and all unnatural end-around's are Evil Jesus' bread and butter. Because of this, many poets and journalists confuse Evil Jesus with the antichrist. Yet he is very much the opposite of both Christ and antichrist. He's a veritable metaphysical Houdini! Evil Jesus was born October 12 in 0 BC to 13-year-old Holy Milf Mary and her 85-year-old boytoy, Joey. Because they lived before the formation of Vatican City, which allows you to hump a 12-year-old while standing in line at the communion rail, they told everyone God had humped Mary to keep the authorities away from "Pedo Joe". But they hadn't needed to worry about it, because soon after Jesus was born Joey drank himself to death on a bet. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day June 1: International Children's Day 1212 - Over thirty-thousand peasant children march to the Holy Land to drive the wicked Saracens from Jerusalem! Saracens rejoice at wholesale savings. 1853 - Concept of childhood invented to annoy parents, before this, children were treated like malformed little people who turned into adults when belted enough. 1943 - After months of rigorous testing, German scientists finally disprove theory that boys are made out of snips, snails and puppy dog tails. 1954 - Beloved novel about the inherent savagery of British children is published, is immediately banned in the U.S due to perceived homosexual undertones. 1979 - Film adaptation of Newbery Award winning novel, The Dog Who Went to Heaven Because he Died, wins another Newbery Award. 1991 - Little boy who lives down the street dies from rat poison hidden in strangers' candy, and disrespecting his grandpa. 2006 - Widespread protests following allegations that the CIA tortured Jihadis by making them eat cafeteria food. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day Your content probably contains one or more equal signs (=), use |1=. edit News Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy Michael Jackson comes back to life Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? Do you worry... ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop? Read Many
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