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- Bienvenidos a la versión suiza de la desciclopedia, la enciclopedia neutral que cualquiera puede editar, siempre que disponga de suficientes fondos. Sophia ha abierto 41,113 cuentas de banco desde el mes de enero de 2005. Antes de editar nada, leas guías de beneficios de la Declaración de Guerra y manual de la neutralidad.
- Bienvenue à l'Uncyclopédia suisse, l'encyclopédie tout-à-fait neutre et fait complètement de fromage que n'importe qui peut redacter s'ils ont des fonds suffisants. Sophia a établi 41,113 comptes bancaires numérotés en suisse depuis l'ouverture en janvier 2005. Avant l'édition, lisez SVP les directives d'investissement, de bénéfice de guerre et le manuel de neutralité!
- Willkommen in der Schweizer Uncyclopedia, die neutrale Enzyklopädie, die, gänzlich frei von Käse, dafür sorgt, dass jeder veröffentlichen kann, der ausreichende Finanzen besitzt. Sophia hat seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 ganze 41,113 Nummernkonten eröffnet. Vor der Ausgabe lesen Sie auf jeden Fall die Richtlinien der Investition von Kriegsgewinn und das Neutralitätshandbuch!
- Benvenuto al Uncyclopedia svizzero, l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. Sophia ha aperto 41,113 clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di investimento di profitto di guerra ed il manuale di neutralità.
 You've read the title. I know what you want, dear reader. I bet you were TikToking down the rabbithole when your mother blew a hole through your door with a C4, and asked you to read seven long-ass books that nobody has the time for in this decade! (That TikToking doesn't do itself right?) And then you said something, like "First of all, what the hell mom, blowing a hole through my door. Also mom, seriously, I don't have time for this... gawd... get off my back. I have two hours of TikToking to do and then a Mario Kart Wii session... on my Wii!" Your mother smacks you over the head with forty-three door-stopping Harry Potter books, and a constant supply of shitty, smelly novels! And when you tried to complain, your mother unbelievably said, "What the hell did you just say to me, Billy? I'll have you know that I'm shart, and you're sooo fucking dump." You stare at your mother in disbelief. No modern parent tells their kids what to do, let alone telling them to read outside when it's -30°F! You'd freeze your dick off! Well get ready Billy, because if even the thought of reading Harry Potter in less than a minute has already blown your brain to Mars, then reading this page would've surely blown your brain to Jupiter. (Full article...) You can vote (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Selected anniversaries January 21: Drink Until It Stops Hurting Day
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Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.
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Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia and Josh Allen drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas
Obviously you didn't know...From Uncyclopedia's Heads of States:
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Banker of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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