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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.
Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?

- ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
- ... that my mom's name is also Martha?
- ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
- ... that you just lost the Game?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)
- 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
- 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
- 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
- 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
- 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
- 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
- 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
- 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
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