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Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, “knowledge, study, learning”) is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof.
Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
- ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
- ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
- ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?

- ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
- ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!
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PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.