Babel:1337

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RadioStarPaper.jpg

Much loved '50s, '60s and '70s entertainer Radio Star was found dead at home in Los Angeles County in 1982, aged 47. Radio Star's career had been waning for several years due to the increasing popularity of his rival, Video, and initial reports on the story suggested suicide was a likely cause. However, in a dramatic turn of events, the police announced they were treating the matter as a murder investigation, and shortly afterwards arrested Video for the crime.

Radio Star had shot to popularity in the first half of the 20th century, and was a popular fixture on the wireless back in '52. Young people would lie awake intent at tuning in to him, and nothing stopped him coming through. The future was bright for Radio Star, and nothing seemed to stop his inexorable rise. Aided in his early career by the fact that there was nothing worth watching on TV, he monopolized the airwaves in a fashion not seen before or since (notable efforts by the ubiquitous Oprah Winfrey notwithstanding).

In the '60s and '70s, he had to contend with a new rival – TV Star, whose hot new gimmicks included "visibility", "motion", and hippy chicks grooving along to the music. Unfortunately for TV Star though, his gimmicks at this time didn't include "endless playback of popular songs", meaning his exposure was limited, and Radio Star was able to survive this initial onslaught. However, it turned out that TV Star was just a forerunner of the much greater threat around the corner, a threat that was instigated by those fiendish international masterminds: Freddie Mercury and Queen. (Full article...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

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DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
  • ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
  • ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
  • ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
  • ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
  • ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
  • ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
  • ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
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  • ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
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  • ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
  • ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
  • ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
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  • ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)
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  • ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
  • ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
  • ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
  • ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
  • ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
  • ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
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  • ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
  • ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
  • ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
  • ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
  • ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
  • ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
  • ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?

IN 7H3 N3W5

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert MuellerTransgender self-identity in India • Mr. StricklandC.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • SoraTiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

Taaaaaaaaaaaax.... cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts...

April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)

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The Fifth Horseman
"Who's Afwaid of a Widdle Apokowips?"

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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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