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Bill Clinton.jpg

Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
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  • ... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)
  • ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
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  • ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that you actually didn't know?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
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  • ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
  • ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
  • ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
  • ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
  • ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"

IN 7H3 N3W5

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. StricklandC.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season

Upcoming deaths: IranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • SoraTiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
Ancient Man went to great lengths to avoid the burden of parenthood
  • 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
  • 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
  • 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
  • 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
  • 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
  • 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.

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Uncyclopedia is the Wurst
Uncyclopedia is the Wurst, now served with Sour Kraut and Potatoes.

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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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