Babel:1337

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40,970 @r7ic135 in 3ng1i5|-|

B3GINN3R'5 GUID3 · 7|-|3 BIG FI\/3 · 57Y13 · QU357I0N5 · |-|31P · D0N47I0N5

C473G0RI35 · F347UR3D C0N73N7 · 4-Z IND3X

You feel an emptiness inside you, a deep pit in your soul that nothing man-made can fill. How many years has it been since you felt her hair running through your fingers?

None of that matters. The only thing that makes you happy now is garlic bread. You know it’s bad for your health, and you know it smells like the underpants of a sweaty Gondola rower, but you can’t help yourself.

Play game? →

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DID Y0U KN0W...

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that this sentence is incomple

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?

... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?

... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured)

... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?

... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)

... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

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IN 7H3 N3W5
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him • Buffy • Xander Harris Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|**
0N 7HI5 D4Y...
March 22: World Water Day 1621 - The Pilgrims promise the Indians that they're just peaceful settlers here to eat corn and wear lily white breeches. 1874 - Slavery is abolished in Puerto Rico, replaced with mandatory sugarcane harvest fun time. 1945 - The Arab League are formed to guarantee peace in the region for the next several minutes. 1993 - The United Nations passes a resolution to conserve fresh water (Pictured), tells Americans to shit on the floor instead of on the toilet. 2013 - My Chemical Romance disbands, Gerard Way pursues solo career, apparently. 2016 - Carl's Jr. ordered by FCC to end "sexy" ad campaign because too many viewers just want to fuck the burger. 2018 - Water bottle companies start selling diluted drain cleaner as Alkaline Water. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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