Babel:1337

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Biffy Clyro (1).jpg

Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

Shoved into stove.jpg
  • ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
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  • ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
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  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
  • ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
  • ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
  • ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
  • ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
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  • ... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)
  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
  • ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
  • ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
  • ... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
  • ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
  • ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
Peter Griffin.jpg
  • ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
  • ... that nobody asked?
  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
  • ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
Sophia (Censored).jpg
  • ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
  • ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
  • ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
  • ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
Bidet1.jpg
  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
  • ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
  • ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
  • ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

IN 7H3 N3W5

Iran hits Tel Aviv.jpg

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter ParalympicsSaturn Awards

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert CarradineWarner Bros. bidding war • Neil SedakaAli KhameneiTeam Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpWeedDancin' MaduroIranMahmoud Ahmadinejad

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

Whitepeople.jpg

March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada)

  • 400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion.
  • 1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate.
  • 1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much.
  • 1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret.
  • 1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead.

70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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