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Mark Rothko (September 25, 1903 – February 25, 1970) was a Latvian born, American artist who became famous for his color field, abstract expressionist paintings. Since he personally rejected those labels to describe his work and even bristled at the word “abstract”, it’s fair to throw in pretentious avante-garde nutjob as well.

The first achievement of anyone who wishes to become an artist is to break your parent’s hearts by becoming “the special child” who ignores the economic realities of life and forgoes a lucrative or realistic career for the sake of hanging out with other people just like him or herself. Rothko accomplished this pre-requisite during the American Great Depression of the 1930’s and left his mother crying “why why why” many years before the phrase would be popularized by Nancy Kerrigan. (Full article...)

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... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
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...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
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... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
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... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
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... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?

... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)

... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
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... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
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... that you've just lost the game?
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... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)

... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
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... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
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... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?

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Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|**
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March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day (North America & Australia) 3500 BC - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses IV hits a small cat with his chariot. Shameful. 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy. 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland. 1962 - Julia Childs releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon. 1969 - President Nixon continues the Road Kill bombing over Vietnam. 1990 - Road Kill is officially the new Mystery Meat in school lunches. 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs "I'm going to fucking bury that dog. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to Fucking Kill that dog." \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay.

Image credit: Sliferjam
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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