Babel:1337

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MonkeyInFridge69.png

Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
Angelina.jpg
  • ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)
  • ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
  • ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
  • ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
  • ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
  • ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
  • ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
  • ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
Sophia (Censored).jpg
  • ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)
  • ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
  • ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
  • ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
  • ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
Sophia (Censored).jpg
  • ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

IN 7H3 N3W5

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"Come! Come support my tacky AI website!"

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWinter Olympicsr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: LamontBrad ArnoldNFL season • Lindsay Vonn's legSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanMcSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z)

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

Gone but not forgotten.

February 21: Put Off Learning a Foreign Language Day

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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