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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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Featured today, a long long time ago
	Tenet (film), featured on 2 April 2025: Featured version

DID Y0U KN0W...

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that this sentence is incomple
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?

... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured)

... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
…that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|
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April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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Uncyclopedia's patron, Oscar Wilde, dropping the truth on you bitches.

Exodus 32:

15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.

16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron.
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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