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You've read the title. I know what you want, dear reader. I bet you were TikToking down the rabbithole when your mother blew a hole through your door with a C4, and asked you to read seven long-ass books that nobody has the time for in this decade! (That TikToking doesn't do itself right?) And then you said something, like "First of all, what the hell mom, blowing a hole through my door. Also mom, seriously, I don't have time for this... gawd... get off my back. I have two hours of TikToking to do and then a Mario Kart Wii session... on my Wii!" Your mother smacks you over the head with forty-three door-stopping Harry Potter books, and a constant supply of shitty, smelly novels! And when you tried to complain, your mother unbelievably said, "What the hell did you just say to me, Billy? I'll have you know that I'm shart, and you're sooo fucking dump." You stare at your mother in disbelief. No modern parent tells their kids what to do, let alone telling them to read outside when it's -30°F! You'd freeze your dick off! Well get ready Billy, because if even the thought of reading Harry Potter in less than a minute has already blown your brain to Mars, then reading this page would've surely blown your brain to Jupiter. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.
