Babel:1337

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
W31(0m3 70 Un(y(10p3di@,
7|-|3 c0n73n7-fr33 3n(y(10p3di@ 7|-|47 4ny0n3 (@n 3di7.
40,971 @r7ic135 in 3ng1i5|-|

B3GINN3R'5 GUID3 · 7|-|3 BIG FI\/3 · 57Y13 · QU357I0N5 · |-|31P · D0N47I0N5

C473G0RI35 · F347UR3D C0N73N7 · 4-Z IND3X

Time is running out

Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."

The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

Stock Performance.jpg
  • ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)
Marsbarfried.jpg
Icecream6gyfc2.jpg
  • ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
  • ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
  • ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
  • ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
Marsbarfried.jpg
Enormous.JPG
  • ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
Winnerloser.jpg
  • ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
  • ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
  • ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
Gg9072.jpg
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
  • ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

IN 7H3 N3W5

Iran hits Tel Aviv.jpg

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

Happiness is like a butterfly, you can't catch it so don't even bother trying.

March 18: World Happiness Day

  • 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
  • 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
  • 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
  • 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
  • 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
  • 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
  • 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
  • 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.

70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3

Insert image title here, without link
The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

R3C3N7 4R7IC135

M0R3 R3C3N7 4R7IC135 | M057 W4N73D P4G35 | R3QU3573D R3WRI735 | 4DD 70 57UB5 | 10N31Y P4G35 | P33 R3\/I3W | 7RY WRI7ING 4B0U7... | 57UCK 4R7IC135 N33DING 4 PU5|-| | GR347 ID345

WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,971 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Esperanto!:
United States
Uncyclopedia
English
United States
40,971
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
50785
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
19194
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
Wikia 17766
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
Wikia 14423
Italy
France
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
Wikia 8936
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
Wikia 12400
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
6417
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
Wikia 6330
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7300
Finland
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.