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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?

- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
- ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
- ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
- ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?

- ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
- ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?



- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
- ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
- ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
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