Babel:1337

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Dead Dicks, besides being the enduring legacy of mythomaniacal former U.S. Presidents, Lyndon Baines Johnson and "Tricky Dick" Nixon, are also a numerical unit of one in Vietnam War "grunt-speak." The term was first used to describe a war stiff reported by the Vietnamese and American governments during the "body count" game. "Body-count" was a ghastly, albeit highly rated televised sport notorious for being imposed on the citizens of Vietnam and America by the captains of both teams. Essentially a dead dick is the complete opposite of a live dick, also known in Vietnam as a "Swinging Dick." From the onset both sides of the conflict agreed via negotiations that "the only good dick is a dead one." Accordingly the scoring system came into play and the game was once again a-foot. (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

Peter Griffin.jpg
  • ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
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  • ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
  • ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
  • ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
  • ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
  • ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
  • ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
  • ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
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  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
  • ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
  • ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
  • ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
  • ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
  • ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
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  • ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
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  • ... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)
  • ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
  • ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
  • ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
  • ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
  • ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
  • ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
  • ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
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  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
  • ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
  • ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
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  • ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)

IN 7H3 N3W5

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Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert CarradineWarner Bros. bidding war • Neil SedakaAli KhameneiTeam Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpWeedDancin' MaduroIran

Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

I don't really want to do the work today.

March 7: Talk Like Caveman Day

  • 11,000 BC - Grog think very hard and make up number coming after two, called like "tree" but dumb: Grog pummeled with many rock for wasting everybody's time.
  • 9800 BC - All the mammoths are burned to death by Grog, his friends pelt him with poop since they have no food, but now there is no poop to eat either.
  • 2580 BC - Grog's best friend Enkidu seduced by city-slicker propaganda, play dress up as civilized instead of sucking on rocks and eating bugs like good old days.
  • 2500 BC - Grog sandboards down the slope of the Pyramids, is detained and put on cave arrest.
  • 1309 AD - Grog is happy and healthy in cave, while stupid civilized people die of Cholera and Plague, at least until Grog eat juicy rat.
  • 1995 - Unabomber say modern gizmos bad for soul of humanity, but Grog have smelly green leg and must punch antelope to death everyday for breakfast so what does he know.

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Chill The Fuck Out
Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

Image credit: RadicalX
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Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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