Babel:1337

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Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

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DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ... that you've just lost the game?
  • ... that you actually didn't know?
  • ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
  • ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
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  • ... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)
  • ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
  • ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
  • ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ... the muffin man?
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  • ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
  • ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
  • ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
  • ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
  • ... that I think you know what's happening today?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
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  • ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
  • ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
  • ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
  • ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
  • ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
  • ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
  • ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
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  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
  • ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
  • ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
  • ... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
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IN 7H3 N3W5

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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Filesr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Winter OlympicsSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanEric DaneMelania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert CarradineWarner Bros. bidding war • Neil SedakaM-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy and snow handling capability • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' MaduroIran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to rememberMexicoSmiling Friends

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

You are likely to be eaten by a grue

March 1: International Grue Day

  • 1950 - Grues are first discovered living under couch cushions and inside tumble dryers.
  • 1964 - Grue farmers release a whole colony of Grues into the wild, to hunt them for their silky and fragrant hide.
  • 1972 - Louisiana Grue hunter and businessman Phil Robertson invents the Grue Call a whistle which imitates the dulcet mating call of the Grue.
  • 1974 - While protesting the selling of Grue hide, one hippie is accidentally eaten by a Grue. It was a one time thing, they only do that when they're hungry.
  • 1981 - The Grue population enters a rapid decline due to overhunting and a government campaign to vilify the grue.
  • 1999 - The Grue Relations through Understanding and Empathy (GRUE) organization is formed to combat harmful memes about Grues and their supposed danger to society.
  • 2001 - GRUE are all eaten by grues.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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