Babel:1337

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The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
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  • ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
  • ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
  • ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
  • ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
  • ... that my mom's name is also Martha?
  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
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  • ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
  • ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
  • ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
  • ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
  • ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
  • ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
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  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
  • ... that you actually didn't know?
  • ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
  • ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
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  • ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
  • ... that you actually didn't know?
  • ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
  • ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?

IN 7H3 N3W5

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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Filesr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Winter OlympicsSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanEric DaneMelania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy and snow handling capability • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' MaduroIran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to rememberMexico

0N 7HI5 D4Y...

It's no Monster House but it's okay.

February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day

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Hen Tie
Although the practice has been popular in Japan for centuries, only recently have men in Western countries begun to wear live hens in the place of the usual cloth neck ties.

Image credit: The Hedgehog
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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