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Dead Dicks, besides being the enduring legacy of mythomaniacal former U.S. Presidents, Lyndon Baines Johnson and "Tricky Dick" Nixon, are also a numerical unit of one in Vietnam War "grunt-speak." The term was first used to describe a war stiff reported by the Vietnamese and American governments during the "body count" game. "Body-count" was a ghastly, albeit highly rated televised sport notorious for being imposed on the citizens of Vietnam and America by the captains of both teams. Essentially a dead dick is the complete opposite of a live dick, also known in Vietnam as a "Swinging Dick." From the onset both sides of the conflict agreed via negotiations that "the only good dick is a dead one." Accordingly the scoring system came into play and the game was once again a-foot. (Full article...)

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Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|**
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March 7: Talk Like Caveman Day 11,000 BC - Grog think very hard and make up number coming after two, called like "tree" but dumb: Grog pummeled with many rock for wasting everybody's time. 9800 BC - All the mammoths are burned to death by Grog, his friends pelt him with poop since they have no food, but now there is no poop to eat either. 2580 BC - Grog's best friend Enkidu seduced by city-slicker propaganda, play dress up as civilized instead of sucking on rocks and eating bugs like good old days. 2500 BC - Grog sandboards down the slope of the Pyramids, is detained and put on cave arrest. 1309 AD - Grog is happy and healthy in cave, while stupid civilized people die of Cholera and Plague, at least until Grog eat juicy rat. 1995 - Unabomber say modern gizmos bad for soul of humanity, but Grog have smelly green leg and must punch antelope to death everyday for breakfast so what does he know. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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