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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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DID Y0U KN0W...

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured)

... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the police are at your door?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?

... that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York? (Pictured)

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.

... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured)

... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?

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World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|**
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March 25: International Moose Preservation Day 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas. 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant. 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed. 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's. 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly. 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals. 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers. 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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"The cereal where you eat the box!"

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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