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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)
- ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
- ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
- ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
- ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  - ... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... that you actually didn't know?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
 - ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
- 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
- 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
- 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
- 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
- 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
- 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
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