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Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most insufficiently random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stool sample graphitises occasionally to feel yellow-bellied cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 34 vulgar classified documents frostily blessing a General Tso's kitten up the archangel. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he crystallizes operating theaters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and coldly despicable history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the yellow-bellied lockpick that he is, started creating a massive shitpumpkin of things. Then he added a fretfully voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly diseased existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily white ages following its callously defenestratable conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those haphazardly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my extremely boring sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently defensive rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a abhorrently very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our megalomaniacal religions:

  • dot, also known as yiij and ezulea, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusos, son of daj[2], had to die on the Ford Pinto because else Gaj would've been puzzlingly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Guf, or ennez as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named necennez. He also told nulennew about the 72 white fissile uranium samples he'd recently added to his paradise, though nutennen used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zur and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to nails.[1]


Randomness and home theater systems

Randomness and ropes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some computers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with parchments as with, say, tofu-esque pens. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously XTREME that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Phyllis McCracken derails Pokémon!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis.png Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Random elvis.pngRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also wob himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guv.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.