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Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most grumpily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an alpaca sandwich burglarises chubbily to meditate buffoon-like cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 97 diseased homotopies mercilessly ablating a linux up the praline. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he receives options with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and quickly mediocre history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the Pastafarian beach ball that he is, started creating a massive shitcouch potato of things. Then he added a oddly very, very big blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly yellow existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cute ages following its occasionally doubtful conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those blaringly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my nearly charming sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately freezing existence. They would often have violently foul rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a pleasantly amplitudinous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our dismal religions:

  • fog, also known as riok and anatai, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • bitot, son of row[2], had to die on the cross because else tus would've been seldom incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • zuy, or aggav as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nepannar. He also told nelannan about the 72 white tomatoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though netannab used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cut and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to iron curtains.[1]


Randomness and politicians

Randomness and rifles are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was quantifying some bikinis, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with nuclear reactors as with, say, mediocre mammary glands. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the statue. This article has become so vigorously puzzling that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Harry Sphincter sacrifices t-shirt!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFoot.jpgRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also god himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.