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From today's featured article 

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Evil Jesus, the Messiah to all evil, not-so-evil, and irritable people, is the kind of Messiah who starts a brawl and then stands back to videotape the show. He's the type of Saviour who complains about your favorite movie while his guys lift your wallet. And contrary to popular belief, he is not a friend to the poor. He couldn't care less about them.

Yet Evil Jesus is talented in a twisty sort of way. He is responsible for all supernatural events. Ouija boards, psychic mediums, hauntings, out-of-body and in-the-body experiences, and all unnatural end-around's are Evil Jesus' bread and butter. Because of this, many poets and journalists confuse Evil Jesus with the antichrist. Yet he is very much the opposite of both Christ and antichrist. He's a veritable metaphysical Houdini!

Evil Jesus was born October 12 in 0 BC to 13-year-old Holy Milf Mary and her 85-year-old boytoy, Joey. Because they lived before the formation of Vatican City, which allows you to hump a 12-year-old while standing in line at the communion rail, they told everyone God had humped Mary to keep the authorities away from "Pedo Joe". But they hadn't needed to worry about it, because soon after Jesus was born Joey drank himself to death on a bet. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
  • ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
  • ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
  • ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we have no pornographic content?

In the news 

On this day 

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June 1: International Children's Day

Picture of the day

Doctor Skullthumper
A qualified medical practitioner demonstrates the Skullthumping diagnosis technique.

Image credit: RAHB
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