User:St.Helena

It is claimed that non other then Napoleon Bonaparte himself lived upon me after his dreadful loss in Waterloo 1815. According to sources he stayed here in exile until his death in 1821. To me that is absolute madness! I have never even seen the man. Nor have I ever been situated in the south Atlantic. I could like to swim but I am awfully scared of sharks. It would be nearly impossible for me to even pat a goldfish. To be honest. I find it really rather offensive that some people find my company so dull that it is worth referring to as the affected person could as well be "living in exile". I should have a word with the claimer of such nonsense.

On numerous occasions I have also been referred to as a saint, a church, an island and who knows what else. Oh, yes! A pet guinea pigs! What wrong can I possibly have done to people in order for them to treat me this awful way. All this misinformation has led to an untreatable case of schizophrenia. Not to me but to my friends.

The friends

The friends is a gathered group on various personalities. As any anther group of "friends" they have the necessary committee. Elected as president of this committee and chief of staff is Hilly Billy WonderWilly the Kid. A harmless but inconveniently nagging 43 year old. How he ended up on in the front of this world leading group of "friends"is for many a mystery. Somewhere someone has been told something about the sprinkling of stardust on election day. That and something about offering other members free rides to Never- or Disneyland. On and off he is known to show up i green costumes and pupils by the size of Pluto; the no longer planet of ours.

To the left we have Hans end Gretel. Now these are a tricky one. You see they come two in the shape of one. And that is tricky. Isn´t it? So when counting my... personalities one has to determine whether to refer to them as one or as two. It is highly recommended that one determine that on forehand. By doing so one reduce the risk of miscounts later in case of sporadic personality pop-ups. That we don´t like. That makes no order. No order at all! I said order! Order in the courtroom!!!! Uhmmm...eh......sorry. A little bit out of hand, are we?

To the right we have Snow White and a huge number of uncounted dwarfs. these we refer to as a clump. So note carefully that there is one clump. Not two, not three but one clump. Therefore we speak to Him/Her (not yet decided) as Snow White and the clump. And we ask of you not to, we repeat NOT to, try to be a smartass about this. It is hard enough as it is already. Do you know how difficult it is to keep track of a clump? No? I should think so. Kindly suffocate any idea of making fun of this particular part of the lecture before "they" get you...

In the middle of all this mess we have...we have...we..have......eum... We are obviously not to sure. They are a bit fuzzy in the edges. A bit scary actually. I think we leave this place before they eat me. Scary place...

Where were we? Where am I? Oh, yes! Napoleon Bonaparte! The man with the same name did according to sources die on me... I shall write to the King and claim my right! Our right to have no one dying on us! And our right to not be confused with stone structures and guinea pigs! We shall claim our right to...to...to conquer the world! Muahhahahahahah!!!! Conquer the wooooorld!!!!!! Muuuahahahahahhhh!!!!! Muahh...ha...haha...ha...z..z..zzz.zz.zzzzzz..zzzzzzzz..

This usr is Dislektic an frekwent custommer of the Teh Profredding Servuc. & pourd of it.

Go to UN:AAN for adoption