User:Sonic80/Diary of a Grue Slayer

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This is my biggest mission, slay this beaut, and get the prize that is THE HEAD OF THE GREAT WHITE GRUE!

This Diary was found deep in the bowels of a living Grue, how it got there? I haven't the slightest clue in hell, but more importantly, How the fuck did someone get it out of a living Grue?! Ah, well, lets not worry about that right now, lets just sit back and learn what Freddy Winklemeyer did for a living.

Entry One[edit | edit source]

Aww, they look like they are having such fun!

June 3rd, 1973 - Today my life begins at last! It is the most important day of my life, (just don't tell my wife or children.) Today I begin my life as a Grue Slayer! Yes that's right a Grue Slayer! What is a grue slayer you may ask? Well, uh... you know, I'm not quite sure, but the pamphlet had a lot of colorful shades of red in it, so it must be friendly, oh, and the guy on the pamphlet who sent me all this stuff had a funny looking mustache, so it has to be a fun job, and he was so nice selling it to me, he complimented me all the time. I think he might have been gay.

So today I will begin my new job, travelling the world looking for these odd creatures... Grues, I think they are called? They look really friendly, this job should be so easy. The Grues look so nice, I saw a picture of them frolicking with a kitten in the pamphlet, they look so peaceful, I can't wait to get to know them. But anyway, enough about what I will be doing, I never got a chance to introduce myself to you. I am Freddy J. Winklemeyer. I am what some people call, a retard. I am not sure what it means, or why people call me that, I guess they just like to compliment me or something. I am 34 years old, and am 5 foot, 9 inches, I have a blood type O-, and listen to lots of rock music. Rock music turns me on. Well, I'd better stop writing and get to work on figuring out how all this stuff works.

Your buddy, Freddy

Entry Two[edit | edit source]

June 9th, 1973 - Well, its been a couple of days, and I still haven't spotted a Grue... whatever the hell it might be. But nevertheless I will stay confident that... Oh my god! Its a Gru... no wait, it was just a bug. Argh! This pamphlet says that Grues like eating human flesh, unfortunately I have no human flesh to use as bait, except... My Own! Sweet! I think my luck may be changing!

Well, I tried the flesh thing. It didn't work, and now my body hurts. I guess I could go to sleep now, or... I could stay here and write to you! Yeah. I think I'll do that, because I have no friends out here. So anyway, how are you? ... Me too! So, what makes you come out here in this forest? ... Ok, so I do? ... Ok. Guess what, my wife thinks I'm out getting some milk at the store. You know what, screw this. I am getting bored, might as well move on to new places.

Your buddy, Freddy

Entry Three[edit | edit source]

June 12th, 1973 - I have found a way to keep myself busy while I wait to find a Grue to kill. I decided to make up a game. I count how many of these towering brown things with huge teeth that try to eat me, that I see each day, then I try to beat that record. My record is 24, and that is just after 2 days. I wish I knew what these weird creatures are, they keep trying to eat me, but I manage to escape.