User:Saberwolf116/Great Britain (Pre-Colonization)
Jolly good show lads! We Colonized ourselves! Oi! What an Oxymoron!
Great British Republic of New Wales, New Scotland, New Northern Ireland, and Whatever's Left of England The Great British Union of Polish Immigrants Poland 2.0 | |||||
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| Motto: '"MIND THE GAP"' | |||||
| Anthem: Who Ate All The Pies? | |||||
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| Capital | London-upon-Seabed | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, Engrish, Indian, Pakistani, Polish, Gargling, Irish | ||||
| Government | BBC | ||||
| President of Republic of Britain | That new bloke: Gordon Brown | ||||
| ‑ Premier of Republic of Britain | Voldemort | ||||
| ‑ Secretary of the National Party of Great Britain | Hillary Clinton | ||||
| Next King | Mugwuffin II | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Rudyard Kipling, Cecil Rhodes, Oliver Cromwell, Churchill, harry poter, 007, 008, ... | ||||
| Established | Flooding | ||||
| Currency | Irishman | ||||
| Religion | Roman Catholic and Sunni Islam (Protestants form an angry minority) | ||||
| Ethnic groups | Indian (49,5%) Polish (32,5%) Irish (10,0%) Serb (7,5%) White British (0,4%) Black British (0,1%) | ||||
| Major exports | British Troops | ||||
| Major imports | Dead British Troops | ||||
| National animal | The Polish | ||||
| Favourite pastime | Hugging Hoodies | ||||
| Hours of operation | Open 24 Hours a Day! (except Sundays) | ||||
“O, my luve's like a red, red Saberwolf116/Great Britain (Pre-Colonization).”
Great Britain is like mediocre Britain – only it’s terrible and kills bitches. It was created in 1984 as all the other nations of the world declared that Britain was quite simply the greatest joke that has ever existed in the entire history of time and space. Despite this fact you can watch BBC "comedies" for 3 years without laughing once. However, some people who disagreed with this were attacked by horny men in top hats. After a short ceremony conducted by Prince Charles, at the time widely believed to be the world's most intelligent mouse, Britain was granted the prefix 'Great', as well as the little known suffix 'Stinks'.
As seen in the photo to your right, "Great" Britain is shaped to look like a tall yet plump bearded man, wearing a hat and sitting down in shorts too big for him and possibly throwing a large baby into the air. Other say it looks suspiciously like a giant tramp casually masturbating This is meant to prevent aerial strikes against the country by causing the general in the war room of the attacking country to laugh hysterically while looking at the satellite map and hence be incapable of overseeing the attack. Sweden and Finland adopt a similar, although much more effective technique - as is evident on the 2 Euro coin, shown to the right. Their version can actually cause foreign generals (and anybody else who notices the shape) to laugh so hard that they throw up their own pelvis bones.
"Great" Britain's position as the world's greatest has been repeatedly confirmed by the astounding sporting success both in individual and one-person events. The country now has athletes with gold medals in every Olympics event from curling to extreme dish washing. The national football team is also undefeated since 2006, when a freak coincidence resulted in a mass simultaneous heart attack that killed every single player on the team. The attacks were later blamed on Winston Churchill.
The status of this truly nation is such that even mentioning its glorious name can bring AIDS to the eyes of any true, patriotic Briton and cause severe Bad Dental Problems and internal haemorrhage in many overseas countries. subject.
Not to be confused with Mediocre Britain or Sweden.
Flag[edit | edit source]
The Union Jack—commonly mis-called a Union Flag when on an aeroplane or a space ship.
The Union Jack was invented by Mr. Jack Union around the same time trees were invented. Setting up a multi-national boxer short-making and flag corporation, Mr. Union made his millions before wasting them on producing the unsuccessful sitcoms and TV shows, such as "Santa's Reserve Fire Force vs The Mayonnaise Man".
If you ever desecrate the flag – burn it, as they say in Britain – you must plant enough trees to offset the carbon emission resulting from burning the flag. If you fail to do so, environmentalists (more commonly known as wankers) will beat you in the same fashion that Americans would if you burned their flag (the confederate flag).
Culture[edit | edit source]
The main part of the British culture is to be Polish hating and teenage stabbing, London's weekly Parade being one of the main events in most Londoners' diaries. The event includes walking around London in pink spotted plastic clothes and get legless in one of the millions of bars around the area.
"Great" Britain is the largest importer of the genetically-modified fruit known as the Cunt Fruit.
Noted British pastimes include Killing the French, being better than America and not haaving to ask the french for help, Killing and/or starving Ireland, beating the Germans up, claiming the invention of India, football hooliganism, and throwing eggs and pumpkings at Matthew Mangers house and Face as wel as having the greatest empire the world has seen.
British woman are known to be the best dressed in the world. Noteably wearing nothing.
The current most popular song in Great Britain is Alexei Sayle's Didn't You Kill My Brother. People feel that not only does it properly express the true feelings of the British people after WW2.
Religion[edit | edit source]
People in Great Britain who practice religion are often called Muslims, Jews, Pakis, American or Cock Suckers and will be hung outside Daves house the following day.
Geography[edit | edit source]
"Great" Brtain recently in late 2008 became the 5696th State of the "United" States of America after a landslide election in the USA where Mr. Osama Bin Bush won 89.2024581% of votes against his opponent Tony " the Bear" Blair after which the US government decided that "Great" Britain would be the perfect place to breed Polish, Indian and Kazak prostitues.
Before "Great" Britain became the 5696th State of "America" the country was a beautiful country in the year 1066 but when English arrogance invaded they decided to abandon their nomadic ways and settle in this Industrial Wasteland, Concreted, Dark, Damp, Miserable, Polsih Heaven and called it England. However after numerous wars with the Cock of France England began to think that they werent being taken serious enough even after developing the Nuclear weapon in 1607, England (Tea), Scotland (Haggis), Ireland (Little Orange guys) and Wales (Sheep Shaggers, later to father New Zealand AND Old Zealand) became the "United" Kingdom of "Great" Britain.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Britain is a barren wasteland populated by all sorts of creatures from Indians to Poles and most notably the following:
Poles 30%, Indian 21%, Tony 1%, Blair 5%, Bears 4%, Curries 15%, Gordon 4%, Brown 2%, Scottish Prostitutes 8%, Naked Fat Men 7%, People who Go WHOOP WHOOP 3%.
Military[edit | edit source]
The Army, Nazi Air Force are collectively known as biggest joke in the country. The commander-in-chief is the monarch, Adolf Hitler (Arnold Swartemigger) and they are managed by the students at The national old peoples home.
The United Kingdom fields one of the most technologically advanced and best trained armed forces in the world. According to various sources, including the Old People Regiment in the SAS, the UK has the second highest military expenditure in the world ($35.45) despite only having the 193rd largest military in terms of manpower, womanpower and childpower because the MOD spends all their money on things that we dont need (eg. Poles).
The main body of the British navy is manily up of old men in canoes floating away and coming back 3 Years later, and is also made of small 4 year olds in their paddling pools with machine guns, grenades and rubber ducks.
The Air Force also known as the RAF abbreviation for Rabbits Against Fuckers. The pride of the RAF is the Fighter Jet with a nuke on it Also known as a paper aeroplane with a pencil inside the left wing.
Britain's greatest (and secret) weapon is Mel Gibson, dressed in a kilt and pretending to be Scottish. He is only used when Great Britain's really in the shit but he is mainly useless because face paint and bits of tartan don't get you very far. Oh and he is an actor, not a soldier, and American, not in fact Scottish.
Economy[edit | edit source]
Before Tony " the Bear " Blair became Prime Minister of "Great" Britain the country was a hell hole, with kids running naked in the street, Old People Stabbing each other, Young People saying ' Those Old People need a good hiding !', Adolf Hitler as Home Secretary, Justice Secretary and Head of Religous and Jewish affairs. However the country has take a change for the better now the country is now Heaven for the Polish and Indians, Young People are now killing each other with Old People taken shelter in Dustbins and after the removemal of Hitler from office the "New" Government was formed with Gordon Brown as Chancellor of the Kill Jews, Jamie Oliver as General of the War against Fat Kids and Stalin as Model of the Year
According to UNICEF, the UK is the best place in the world to be a child. (Kazakstan is the Second)[1] This is thanks to Tony Blair's sweeping economic reforms, usually known as the "Great Leap Forwards"
True Rumours[edit | edit source]
- Although of its small size its one of the only countries in the world with the largest density of Poles and Curries.
- Brits do not sound like Clocks
- Britain DOES infact have electricity, apart from Scotland and Ireland.
- Britain IS infact Communist with their new Leader Gordon " the Beast " Brown
- Welsh people would like to think that they are superior in every way compared to others residing in Britiain whereas, in reality they certainly are not.
- Margaret Thatcher IS as voted by the general public of the Shetland Islands and Norway the sexiest Model of the year.
- Britain is NOT part of the Cock of Europe.
- Britain actually IS steadily sinking due to the Obesity Epidemic of 2006.
- Cornwall HAS infact suck under the ocean due to the Obesity Epidemic of 2006 and the Arrival of Alex MacDonald.
- Alex MacDonald WAS voted the 2nd Fattest man in the world, after Jason Clifford and the other guy.