User:Mrmonkey72/UnNews:Local Racist Makes Plans To Quietly Mutter "Nigger" Under His Breath During All Of Barack Obama's Speeches
CHICAGO, Illinois: Local Chicago resident Charles Kuhlmeier, 83, has recently announced his plans to mutter obscenities under his breath every time Barack Obama speaks on television, as well as continue to tell all the Obama supporters he knows how wrong they were, in an apparent attempt to sway the votes they already made. However, close friends and family have confided that they find his vain attempts to spread his deep-seated racism to others "exceptionally adorable."
"I can't believe all of you voted a nigger into the White House," Kuhlmeier told a group of Democrats he noticed while eating lunch at a small restaurant. "Don't you all know he's just gonna go in and steal everything? Then when he runs back out, and screams, 'Go to hell, whitie!', you'll wish you all listened to me."
"Awww," said Christine Haegelman, a member of the group Kuhlmeier had just spoken to, quietly to her friends. "Poor old guy... he's really trying! Well, I sure hope he convinces somebody that he's right. I feel bad for him... he can't help the way he was brought up in a cruel, racist world."
In response, Kuhlmeier asserted that he "could indeed help the way he felt," confirming that he'd "despise those damn niggers whether everyone else did or not."
As well as attempting to convince those eating in the same restaurant as him, Kuhlmeier has also attempted to sway others by refusing to remove the "McCain/Palin" bumper sticker off the back of his sedan.
"I keep telling him to take that sticker off," said Cindy Meyers, Charles' daughter. "But he seems convinced that somehow, keeping it on will get McCain elected somehow... or maybe he just can't get it off. I just think it's cute that he just keeps on trying... let no one say he's a quitter, that's for sure!"
Yet despite all the positive response Kuhlmeier's constant and thorough racism attracts, Kuhlmeier himself cannot seem to stand the molly-coddling way everyone approaches him, insisting that they don't consider his ideas fully.
"Damn it," he said, growing gradually more furious and adorable by the second. "Don't you all understand? I've been around this world much longer than all of you! I know more, I've seen it all! You voted a damn blackie watermelon-eating piece of scum into the White House, and now he's going to destroy the country I went to war for! Dammit, stop laughing at me!"
"Oh, Grandpa," Kuhlmeier's grandchildren responded to this angry outburst. "You're so cute and outdated."
Kuhlmeier then fumed and quietly mouthed the word "nigger" every time a black person appeared on the television. "You don't understand now," he said almost silently so that his grandkids could no longer hear him, "But I'm right, and I know it."
He continued to conclude, "I hope you all like eating fried chicken."