User:Froste21/Big Boss Facts, and How and Why Big Boss is better than Chuck Norris

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General[edit | edit source]

Basically, there are a few things you need to know about Big Boss. Knowing these of course means you will be dead within a few seconds, but not knowing them means you've been dead forever. And no one wants to be a zombie.

While it is widely known, Big Boss is actually the best, hands-down, around and in town, certain groups and people still believe Chuck Norris is superior. However, certain facts have arisen as of late, proving Big Boss' domination, and sentencing Norris to a life time of pathetic Second Place. We would've awarded Bruce Lee with 1st place but currently he is not in this dimension.


Facts[edit | edit source]

  • After Chuck Norris was born he roundhouse kicked every doctor in the face and exclaimed" nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris", shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Big Boss delivered his self and he was born with a beard.
  • Chuck Norris sent Big Boss a free Total Gym for him to use. It was returned the next day, with The Cobra Unit all pinned to it. In The Boss's pocket was a note saying "This is what I do to work out."
  • Chuck Norris can read minds. Big Boss can't, but only because he doesn't care what you think.
  • Chuck Norris beat Metal Gear Solid in 6 hours. That doesn't sound impressive, but you have to note he was using the TV remote at the time. Logically however seeing as Big Boss is part of the Metal Gear games, he must have beat them instantly without even doing anything.
  • If it smells like chicken, and tastes like chicken and looks like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's beef. Big Boss is never wrong about what type of meat it is.
  • Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. Big Boss decided it was not butter.
  • Give Chuck Norris two minutes, and he can take out Spider-Man. Give Big Boss ten seconds, and he can take out the entire Cylon battalion.
  • On a celebrity edition of Wheel of fortune, Chuck Norris Spun the wheel for 29 minutes straight. Big Boss was on last weeks episode, NASA has calculated the wheel will stop spinning around the same time the sun burns out.
  • Chuck Norris decides who lives. Big Boss decides who is born.
  • Big Boss's power level is way more than 9000.
  • While it may be true that when Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's, when Big Boss goes into McDonald's he gets what he fucking wants.
  • While it may be true that when Chuck Norris has sex with a man it won't be because he is gay, it will be because he has run out of women, but Big Boss never runs out of women because he can turn men into women.
  • If the energies of two Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks collide, the universe would cease to exist. Big Boss can achieve the same thing with his right ear.
  • If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. If looked at, one second of Big Boss' C.Q.C would short circuit the entire universe.
  • On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Considering Big Boss has always been, everyday is his birthday and as such he selects one lucky sun to to be tossed into an even bigger sun.
  • While when Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down, when Big Boss does a press-up it doesn't matter where the Earth is, everyone is dead.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks. Big Boss, on the other hand, doesn't do anything by accident.
  • While it is impressive how Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick, Big Boss however will Morse code C.Q.C to the face.
  • It is rumored Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. Big Boss's hair however is too strong for him to even take it out of his own skin in the first place.
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Big Boss sells his urine also, as weapons grade plutonium.
  • Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about, when he could speak. He annoyed Big Boss, now he is a mute.
  • The fact that the Indian version of "Big Brother" uses the title "Big Brother" is embarrassing lack of knowledge and indicates that the producers are unaware of the Orwellian nature of the original title.
  • Chuck Norris cannot kill grues. Big Boss, however, can scare off grues just by brushing his teeth.
  • Chuck Norris can kill ninjas in about 3-8 hours. Big Boss, however, has never killed a ninja, because they commit seppuku at the sight of him.
  • Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. Big Boss respects endangered species, so he only hunts overpopulated ones, namely humans.
  • Chuck Norris once wrassled with cavemen. Big Boss told them all to "get a damn job," thus creating modern man.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Big Boss is the reason why Waldo is found.
  • Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Big Boss however, has unlimited speeds. He could walk, sidestep, run...
  • stab, C.Q.C, roundhouse kick(oh wait that's Chuck Norris), kill, shoot....
  • Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Big Boss however calls this "blinking with my right eye."
  • It takes Chuck Norris twenty minutes to watch 60 Minutes. It takes Big Boss twenty seconds to watch a Dave Chappele one hour special, listen to a Martin Luther King Jr. speech, and apologize to all the people he has killed.
  • Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father. Big Boss never was a virgin.
  • Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Big Boss's tears can cure cancer, paralysis, mental illnesses...
  • Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. Big Boss doesn't need condoms; He is invulnerable to all STDs and he can chose if he wants the girl to be impregnated or not by scaring the female's egg back to the ovaries. Plus theres a low chance anyone can survive sex with Big Boss.

note that big boss can not have kids in the first place do to exposure to nuclear radiation

  • Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing with his finger and saying "Bang". Big Boss knocked the MIR space station out of orbit by glaring at it
  • Big Boss has slept mostly for his all life, and has only gotten a few scratches, and an eye lost on Him. There is no need for this "waiting" bullshit that Chuck Norris has, Big Boss has never heard the word "wait".
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Big Boss. Big Boss doesn't need closets, because he wears his entire arsenal and wardrobe on his body.
  • Big Boss' hand is the only hand that can beat a Chuck Norris Flush.
  • Chuck Norris's watch has no numbers, it just says "Time to kick ass!". Big Boss doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Big Boss invented his own type of Jujitsu. It's called Boss-Will-Kill. It is infinity times better than Chuck-Will-Fuck.
  • If Chuck Norris and Mr. T enter a bar, it explodes. Big Boss only needs himself to achieve that.
  • Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas, Chuck Norris wears Big Boss pajamas.
  • Chuck Norris may have divided by zero, but Big Boss can divide you in half using less effort.
  • When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Big Boss, and Chuck Norris shot himself.
  • When he was a child, Big Boss had some leftover play-dough. The end result was Chuck Norris.
  • If Big Boss and Chuck Norris ever get within 10 miles of one another, Chuck Norris will break his own neck to avoid capture
  • Some people claim Chuck Norris is better because he's a real life person and Big Boss is just a fictional character. In reality, that's exactly what Big Boss WANTS you to believe.
There we go.
  • In the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, it takes Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie Leader, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, RoboCop, The Terminator, James T. Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, Every Single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan to bring Chuck Norris down. It would take all the aforementioned people, combined into one and cloned 100 times to cause Big Boss to break a sweat.
  • When Chuck Norris found out about the Chuck Norris "Facts", he chuckled and read some of his favorite ones. When Big Boss heard about the Big Boss facts, he contributed his own instead of just reading on and on without doing anything with it. Like this one.
  • Michael Jackson once told Big Boss to "beat it," and Big Boss beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.
  • When Santa Claus asked Big Boss what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Big Boss and gets away with it
  • Superman is the man of steel but after Big Boss was done with him he was the man of butter, and dead.
  • If Big Boss and Rambo were to fight the outcome would be a tie, for Big Boss and Rambo are one in the same, it was just that Konami gave the go ahead for a movie that is based on Big Boss.
  • Once, while having sex in a tractor trailer, part of Big Boss's sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime
  • Big Boss lives in stealth and deception, hence he called himself God in the Bible.
  • Big Boss contains the meaning of life underneath his eye patch. Too bad Big Boss never takes off his eye patch for anybody, unless their name is "Weird Al".
  • Big Boss's real name is John Shaft which is also the name of a character Isaac Hayes made that was based off of Big Boss in an alternate dimension if he were black... 100% black, that is.
  • Big Boss' so-called fear of Dracula was created to simulate him having fears, thus making him appear human.
  • Big Boss once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die
  • When reading George Orwell's '1984'; replacing the term 'Brother' with 'Boss' makes the book make a lot more sense.
  • The band Three Days Grace is named after how long they have before Big Boss comes after them
  • Big Boss approached a holy man in India 5000 years ago and explained to him the principles for life, death, karma and reincarnation, thus giving the man total enlightenment. He then said "Now get the fuck away from my tree" and CQC'd him through the ground.
Big Boss chose himself to be the Manchurian candidate because no one tells him what the fuck to do.
  • Did you know Big Boss painted the Last Supper? In the original version, He was in the center, and it was a self portrait. But later on, Da Vinci stole his idea and remade it with some other dude with a beard and an ape drape.
  • Big Boss wants to know why Eddie Kim had to put 300 snakes on a passenger plane to kill someone. Because Big Boss knows it only takes one.
  • Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than twenty-thousand women in his lifetime. Big Boss calls this "a FOXHOUND run."
  • Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Big Boss' first visit to Tokyo.
  • The dinosaurs were extinct because they all committed a suicide knowing that Big Boss was coming to town.
  • Once Big Boss had a staring competition with the sun, then the first solar eclipse came.
  • The so-called "Army of One" refers specifically to Big Boss
  • Big Boss once got in a fight with a space pirate. This event was known as "the Big Bang", just imagine what would happen if Big Boss fought Samus Aran.
  • On the 7th day, God rested. Big Boss took over.
  • If Big Boss was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Volgin and he had a jammed gun with half a bullet, he'd shoot all of them, because he fucking can.
  • After 7 minutes of CQC at the hands of Big Boss, Ninja Chef admitted that he was gay.
  • If Rosa Parks was in Big Boss' seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
  • Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Big Boss, you're fucked."
  • If Big Boss lived next door to Kramer, Kramer would knock before entering.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Big Boss. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Big Boss was God.
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know that fear itself fears Big Boss.
  • If the groundhog sees his shadow, that means 6 more weeks of winter. If Big Boss sees your shadow, that means 6 seconds left to live.
  • 'The Milky Bar Kid is strong and tough...' but he's a fag compared to Big Boss
  • Gary Linekar once tried to steal Big Boss' Walkers. He never played football again
  • Big Boss made GG Allin go "Holy shit, that's just SICK!"
  • Big Boss taught Micheal Jackson how to change his skin color from black to white
  • Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Big Boss. He passed. It was too violent.
  • Johnny the homicidal maniac is based off big boss's 'Real fuckin' slow weekends'
  • Once Big Boss met Biggie Smalls a some place upon learning that his alias was BIGgie Smalls. Big Boss capped his ass, bitch.
  • When Saddam Hussein was sentenced to face Big Boss, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death by hanging.
  • The Knights of ni told Big Boss to get them a shrubbery, Big Boss gave them a face full of buckshot.
  • Big Boss CQC'ed Fat Albert into the ground. Thus making the Grand Canyon.
  • Rabbits say they screw like Big Boss.
  • Big Boss unmasked Scooby-Doo.
  • When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Big Boss signal.
  • Bruce Lee's first words as a child were 'Big Boss'. He was later sued.
  • MC Hammer can't touch Big Boss.
  • Ghostbusters call Big Boss.
  • Strippers tip Big Boss.
  • Deaf people listen to Big Boss.
  • Big Boss arrested RoboCop.
  • Big Boss has a Prince Albert, he uses it to catch and eat women like EVA
  • Big Boss created the matrix. Experienced players call it VR mission 5090A.
The Big Boss card as seen in Metal Gear L$D.
  • It is impossible to defeat Big Boss. After hearing this, Big Boss decided to test out that theory, because he hates to be told that something is impossible and sets out to disprove it. After cloning himself to make Solid Snake, Solid defeats Big Boss, but since Solid is actually a clone of Big Boss, and thus Big Boss himself, Big Boss proved that he can do the impossible.
  • When Ocelot tried to shoot Big Boss, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out
  • Big Boss once had his mind read by Psycho Mantis. Thus why his face is totally fucked up.
  • The only person that can even be considered anything like Big Boss is The Boss.
  • Only Big Boss can recharge batteries by eating mushrooms.
  • Big Boss started the Les Enfant Terribles project, which was Step One. Step Two was to mass-produce and shrink them down to fit on the PSP.
  • Kojima has never met Big Boss, which accounts for two things: The poor representation of Big Boss' abilities and for Kojima still being alive.
  • The bonus video "The Ultimate Weapon" was edited to not cause panic among those who watched it. In the uncut version, after Big Boss used the Ultimate Rock, Paper, Scissor maneuver, the helicopters and the Shagohad preceded to explode, caused by 'super combustion.' Big Boss then took out his favorite Cigar and said,"No one fucks with Big Boss."
  • GlaDOS was Big Boss' speak and spell as a young boy. What else could have made her so crazy?
  • Big Boss brand whiskey is one Googolplex X strong. Only He and Mickey Trouvers have sampled it. Guess why you don't know Mickey Trouvers?
  • Friends give other friend's Birthday Cards, Chuck Norris gives everyone he meets Roundhouse Kicks, Big Boss give everyone oxygen. How generous are you?
  • When Big Boss crawls through the grass, every blade in front of him bows down in response to his superiority.
  • Big Boss told the Mayan tribe that the world will end on December 24, 2011. This would be the day Big Boss begins his hibernation.
  • Big Boss is so fast, He can run around the world and CQC Himself into the ground.
  • When the trailer for Metal Gear Solid 3 was aired in Russia, the Russian surrendered to Big Boss just to be on the safe side.
  • It was Volgin who was being tortured, not Big Boss.
  • Big Boss grants himself powers when he puts on clothes because he just fucking can. Some of these powers are Sorrow camo which grants him invisibility, and Turtle-neck jacket which causes himself to be able to morph into anything he wants.
  • Halfway through Metal Gear Solid 3, Big Boss is captured and tortured. I hate how unrealistic that game is sometimes.
  • Ocelot once told Solidus Snake that he was the "spitting image of Big Boss". Solidus later died from a sword wound in his spine by a girly pussy. No one copies Big Boss.
  • Big Boss does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position to make his next several killings more dramatic.
  • When guards go to hell, if they say Big Boss sent them, they'll get a group discount.
  • When Big Boss gets shot in the head he can knife it out and pretend nothing happened. Why? BECAUSE HE CAN.
  • When Big Boss wore a Raikov mask, Raikov died shortly after. No one copies Big Boss.
  • Big Boss can command Raikov's men without wearing the Raikov Mask. He commands them to die with his CQC.
  • Big Boss can kill, eat random animals, and knife out bullets from his wounds at the same time. However, Big Boss cannot be wounded by bullets, so this is only half true.
  • If Big Boss uses his eyepatch as a catapult, he can destroy a Metal Gear from five hundred miles distance.
  • The Fear poisoned Big Boss. He died.
  • The Pain sent bees at Big Boss. He died.
  • The End shot Big Boss. He died.
  • The End didn't die of old age Big Boss told time to hurry up.
  • The Fury lit Big Boss on fire. He died
  • The Sorrow psychically killed Big Boss. He then died IN THE PAST. Big boss then stood up and continued on his way.
  • The Joy loved Big Boss. She died.
  • Liquid Snake tried to get Big Boss's remains. He died. Leave Big Boss the fuck alone.
  • Big Boss doesn't paint his face. Being the supreme being he is, he's naturally able to alter his skin tone like a chameleon.
  • The only person capable of fooling Big Boss is Ocelot. He is now being taken over by an arm.
  • In Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops, Big Boss shock a soldier named Jonathan by the hand. Later all people who knew him died. That's just bad thinking.
  • Big Boss doesn't use planes as any means of travel, instead, He just jumps up and sky dives to wherever he wants to go.
  • Big Boss doesn't cheat at Metal Gear Online. I told you, he can jump up and sky dive! Stop saying he pulls the cord!
Big Boss, after being cloned at a party decides it's time to call the cops.
  • Big Boss has the ability to CQC himself forward, backward, sideways, and diagonally in time
  • The 'Ping of Death' was just the binary equivalent of a Big Boss CQC to the hard drive
  • When Big Boss was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he CQC'd the store so hard it became a MaRaffas.
  • Earthquakes are caused because Big Boss just CQC'd some poor bastard through the ground
  • Big Boss invented the invention
  • The original title for the song "Killing in the Name" was "Killing in the Name of Big Boss"
  • Big Boss once bought a single brick at a yard sale. The Hoover Dam is composed entirely of that one brick.
  • At the same yard sale, Big Boss bought a set of lawn darts. 14 seconds later, Big Boss had the worlds first intercontinental ballistic missile.
  • Big Boss's theme song is a funky jive remix of Battlefield 1942's loading theme.
  • Big Boss destroyed the periodic table, because Big Boss only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • The War Of The Worlds was a re-enactment of Big Boss playing snakes and ladders for the first (and last) time.
  • Big Boss was the man in charge of the building of the Great Wall of China. The main reason it took 2000 years to build, was that Big Boss went through more slaves than bricks.
  • Big Boss' calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Big Boss.
  • Big Boss once punched a person right in his soul
  • I once saw someone pick a fight with Big Boss. That person is now fetal, naked, crying, hiding in a tree in the Amazon, and has no skin.
  • Big Boss played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded .500 Smith&Wesson and won.
  • Big Boss once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • The children's game Simon Says should be renamed to Big Boss Says because if Big Boss says something then you better fucking do it.
  • When Big Boss pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
  • Big Boss makes onions cry.
  • Nobody says 'hit me' when Big Boss deals Blackjack.
  • Big Boss removed the Escape button from his keyboard. Big Boss never needs to escape.
  • If you're holding a gun to Big Boss' head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
  • These boots were made for walkin', but Big Boss' boots aren't that merciful
  • Big Boss does not have Social Security. Big Boss has no need for security.
  • Big Boss is the reason the whole world has the concept of happiness.
  • In fine print at the end of Guiness World Records, you can read that Big Boss actually completed all the stunts six-hundred times better, and it just names how close people have gotten to breaking it.
  • Big Boss once shot down a Sukhoi Su-47 by pointing his index finger at it and saying "Bang".
  • Big Boss once sky dived right into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, which resulted in the "Perfect Storm"
  • The leading cause of death in the United States in the 1970s was Big Boss.
  • If you spell 'Big Boss' in Scrabble. You win. Forever. And even after that.
  • After eating some particularly spicy chili, Big Boss shit a brick... literally.
  • Big Boss once ate a whole wedding cake before his friends could tell him there was three strippers in it.
  • Big Boss doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Why? BECAUSE HE CAN!
  • Big Boss once ate three hundred Buffalo Wings. Unsatisfied, Big Boss proceeded to eat three hundred buffalos.
  • Big Boss can kill himself, and he would still be alive.
  • The 12th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Big Boss” This commandment constantly enforced, as many people piss him off. Like, Scientologists.
  • One of Big Boss' saying's are "Who are fucking stupid, go MFGG."
  • There is no such event as a a "Tsunami", it's merely Big Boss fishing.
  • Big Boss can remember all the dialogs in Bold and the Beautiful this far.
  • Big Boss doesn't cook, the food cooks itself.
  • Big Boss doesn't think. No need to, everyone still obeys him.
  • Big Boss' penis played the part of The Towering Inferno.
  • Big Boss caused the Chernobyl accident by bathing inside the nuclear plants.
  • Big Boss' tears cleanse all humans of mortal sin, back to Adam and Eve. This, of course, fucks God's shit up.
  • The only reason you are conscious right now is because Big Boss doesn't feel like stuffing you into a locker.
  • Big Boss created viagra because other people were getting jealous of him.
  • Big Boss uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Big Boss doesn't associate with anything that is #2.
  • The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Big Boss has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood, tears, liquefied human agony, and maybe some semen.
  • If you have the ability to read, thank a teacher. If you have the freedom to read, thank the veterans of WW2. If you're alive to read, thank Big Boss.
  • Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Big Boss".
  • Big Boss is the 'i' in team.
  • When Big Boss looks in the mirror, he doesn't see his reflection. There can only be one Boss.
  • Big Boss' family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
  • Guys take it as a compliment when they mistakenly get called "Big Boss" by their girlfriends during sex.
  • Girls take it as a compliment when they mistakenly get called "Big Boss" by their girlfriends during sex.
  • After fighting with Revolver Ocelot and being attacked by The Pain's hornets, Ocelot did cool gun spinning to rip up hornets, but Big Boss did the Dr. Wily eyebrow thing to achieve the same effect. This is one of the many inaccuracies of the game.
  • Big Boss once crapped a lightsaber
  • When Big Boss is looking for a good laugh, he watches Oscar Wilde work out on his Total Gym.
  • Two of Big Boss' wrongs DO make a right. Unfortunately Big Boss is never wrong.
  • After having sex with your wife, apologize for not being Big Boss.
  • Big Boss eats punches for breakfast.
  • There are 15 documented ways to defeat Big Boss. Unfortunately, Big Boss is the only person capable of performing any of them.
  • Big Boss is a licensed physician.
  • Big Boss can make I Can't Believe It's Not Butter into real butter. Why?
  • Big Boss' puke can melt through any substance.
  • 'Who would do this to my Skechers?!?!' Big Boss would. He hates your Skechers.
  • 'Who would you give your last Rolo to?' Big Boss.
  • Big Boss can see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch.
  • You never say "Trix are for kids" to Big Boss.
  • If you tell Big Boss to "Get his own bag of cheese itz" then that bag will be filled with your organs.
What Would Big Boss Do?
  • Big Boss can hide three elephants and a Smart car full of clowns behind his eye patch
  • Who operates on a surgeon when he's sick? Big Boss
  • Big Boss does not have the X Factor. people who have the x-factor are his tenth generation granchildren
  • You MAY look good on the dance floor, but Big Boss looks good ANYWHERE
  • The Red Cross has Big Boss listed as the person who had donated the most blood to them in history, yet none of it was his own.
  • Big Boss is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
  • Big Boss never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
  • When Big Boss uses exercise equipment, the equipment gets stronger.
  • When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Big Boss.
  • When Big Boss ran out of ammo, he caught three bullets in his chest and used them to reload
  • Life doesn't give Big Boss lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
  • If Big Boss gives you his word, return it immediately and run.
  • Big Boss once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
  • To Big Boss, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half of his damn beer, and now they will have a fucking face full of glass.
  • Big Boss can leave a message before the beep.
  • It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Big Boss."
  • Big Boss does not need to use a silencer... he just tells his gun to be quiet.
  • Big Boss once called the Vice President "Mr. President", but realized his mistake and shot the President. Big Boss is never wrong.
  • Every time you masturbate Big Boss kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
  • The only way to achieve immortality is to get Big Boss to say to you, "I won't let anything happen to you".
  • Four out of five doctors agree that Big Boss can be hazardous to your health. The fifth doctor couldn't be found for comment.
  • Big Boss folds the clothes of his defeated enemies. Without removing their bodies.
  • Big Boss doesn't need to use the Force. Big Boss IS the Force.
  • Big Boss is NOT The Force. Nobody uses Big Boss.
  • The Berlin Wall fell because Big Boss needed to get to the other side.
  • Big Boss sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  • When Big Boss plays dodge ball, the ball dodges him.
  • Big Boss once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.
  • Big Boss always wins in the game "Life."
Big Boss in retirement.
  • Explosions do not kill Big Boss, they just get stuff out of his way
  • Big Boss doesn't use pickup lines, he just says, "Hi, my name is Big Boss."
  • In Poker, Big Boss doesn't need to bluff. He looks at opponent, tells them to fold, and they do so. Always.
  • All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Big Boss.
  • Big Boss doesn't get busy signals. No one is too busy to talk to Big Boss.
  • One bank did a commercial with Big Boss in front of a vault. They haven't been robbed since.
  • When Big Boss plays "rock paper scissors", he does "nuclear explosion, poison lead bullet, 9/11 times a thousand..."
  • Big Boss doesn't need a home security system he just has a sign saying "If you can read this, Big boss hasn't killed you yet."
  • Thats they way the cookie crumbles, but not for Big Boss he doesn't eat cookies.
  • Big Boss is so good in bed he screams his own name during sex
  • Big Boss can bring a corpse back from the dead by telling it to get a life.
  • Big Boss only suffers serious injuries when he wants the enemy to think they have a chance.
  • Big Boss is neither Black nor White, all races are shades of Big Boss.
  • On Big Boss' Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
  • Withholding information from Big Boss is now classified as a suicide attempt.
  • Big Boss doesn't need a receipt to return something to a store, just a gun.
  • Big Boss thinks the word mercy just means "quick interrogation."
  • As a child, Big Boss taught his dog to play dead...once.
  • Big Boss wants taquitos in his bella!!
Admit it. You are so fucking gay for him.


  • Big Boss can agitate your dots.
  • Big Boss is why. Why? Because of Big Boss.
  • Big Boss is a guy that posts on my forum regularly.
  • Never lie about Big Boss (the guy who wrote the fact above this learned the hard way)
  • Big Boss can put 2's in Binary Language.
  • Big Boss is the reason there is no cow level.
  • The reason that babies cry is because they know they've been born into a world with Big Boss.
  • Big Boss makes you remember Poland.
  • Big Boss locked Miss Trunchbull in the Chokey.
  • Big Boss fired Donald Trump.
  • Big Boss has a 14.00 GPA.
  • guns dont kill people. Big Boss does.
  • Big Boss once punched a man in his soul.
  • Big Boss pities Mr. T
  • Big Boss slammed a revolving door...think about it.
  • I heart big boss

He can outrun sonic , out think Einstein, over power Chuck Norris, and out number the french foreign legion and the soviet union combined...they call him The roc. unfortunatly he was killed by Naked Snake and so he became Big Boss.

The FOXHOUND unit is not an elite squad of soldiers working for the US government it's just a fancy name meaning Big Boss's punching bag why else do you think ocelot has guns with him all the time.

  • Ocelot got lucky when he shot out Big Boss's right eye. Of course since Big Boss doesn't die, the eye went on to pursue new dreams. Everyone knows the eye by its new name, Golden Eye.
  • The reason the Americans took so long to find and kill Osama Bin Laden was because Big Boss decided he'd sort him out when he was good and ready.
  • The only reason Gordon Freeman can survive against impossible odds is because Big Boss tells the Combine to let him.

Conclusion[edit | edit source]

Nobody gives a fuck

See Also[edit | edit source]

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