User:Cat the Colourful/Rapid Erection Movement

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Rapid Erection Movement (shortened as R.E.M.) was a gruesome STD that ruled over Holland and certain parts of America on the 16th century, and is considered as the most gruesome STD on moderndicklibrary.com's list of '100 most unenjoyable STD's'. R.E.M. is known of it's annoying way to give an instant 'moving' boner that will last for several years, and is caused by a certain chemical in moldy cheese. R.E.M. is one of the oldest STD's ever discovered, altough it's spreading stopped quickly when an indian witch doctor got tired of his erection and summoned an large earthquake that destroyed every single citizen in Holland and New Amsterdam, including himself. After that R.E.M. has been only diagnosed on mouses.

History[edit | edit source]

R.E.M. was discovered, like every other good, oldfashioned STD, by a man who had no interest of sexual interaction with other humans. The spreader was believed to be a dutch cheeseproducer named Akker Voorakkerman, who, after many, many years, living alone in his little farm producing cheese, fell in love with a block of Edam and slept with it[1]. Without realizing that the cheese had went already bad and fully infested by mold, Akker was rather surprised when waking up next morning and having an erection. The moment when Akker really freaked out was when he noticed his erection started shaking in the afternoon. This tought Akker a good lesson of not playing with food, altough month later a pineapple got stuck in his arse.

However, Akker started out doing several tests with R.E.M. by spreading the disease to animals at the farm and on the zoo, and finally to other farmers as well. The results were spectacular; he had discovered the first STD in the world. Too bad the man lived only a month after realizing this as the man was executed for illegal erection-giving.

But it was already too late; R.E.M. spreaded faster than plague and most of dutch citizens were already infected, altough a small light of hope for the uninfected lived in the dark corners of Amsterdam. A resistance-group was sent to America to find the cure to the disease.

Curing[edit | edit source]

There isn't any known cure for R.E.M. due to it's fast spreading and affecting.

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. The name of the block was believed to be Gouda