User:Abacab/Jimmy Neutron

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Jimmy at the split second when he notices that he has been going around his whole life with fudge on his head.

James Isaac "Jimmy" Neutron (born March 31, 1991) is an American big-headed scientist, geek, and former child actor. In the early 2000s, his claim to fame was starring in the Nickelodeon epic sci-fi film Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius and its spinoff television series The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.

He is best known as the second most hideous character to have ever appeared on Nickelodeon (first place being Eliza Thornberry, who was so homely-looking that she could turn Medusa to stone).

Biography[edit]

Early life[edit]

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Even as a big-headed unborn fetus, Jimmy's parents already knew he was destined to be something special. Jimmy was born in St. Luke's Hospital, and his head was so large, it made it harder for his mother to push him out of her vagina. Jimmy's father Hugh, a duck-and-pie obsessed bumbling fool, thought Jimmy was a girl, and named him "Alexis". However, after checking, he was promptly renamed "James".

When Jimmy was a toddler, he found the cure for cancer. Unfortunately, his parents scoffed at the idea that a toddler could have done something so extraordinary, and ignore his discovery. This is why people today are still trying to find the cure... imbeciles.

In preschool, Jimmy had a male teacher, who tried to attempt having sexual relations with him. However, when his mother found out, she filed a lawsuit against him, and won. This gave the family a hell of a lot of money, only to waste on a crappy suburban home. But it at least explains how the hell Jimmy has the equipment to make his inventions.

Career[edit]

In 2001, Jimmy auditioned to star in the newest movie from Nickelodeon, a studio fresh off the heels of masterpieces like Good Burger and Harriet the Spy. Unfortunately, the studio rejected him, saying that his performance was "too derivative of our competitor's fellow animated boy genius", and gave the part to his rival, tsundere Cindy Vortex. Always competitive and jealous of Cindy, Jimmy broke into the Nick studio, and ordered president Herb Scannell, at hypno-ray point, to give him the part, to which he brainwashedly agreed.

During the interim between the movie and the show, Jimmy had a brief foray into the music business. With Aaron Carter, he collaborated on two rap albums, titled My Science Fo' Shizzle and Go Jimmy, Jimmy, that flopped hopelessly and sent several million listeners into a coma.

The movie was a success, prompting Nick to order a spinoff television series in 2002. This series formed the third wheel of the SpongeBob/Fairly Oddparents dominance era (though the former series lost some of its popularity when nuns complained that it promoted homosexuality). However, by 2006, Jimmy's hypno-ray ran out of battery; thus, he got put out of business, and Nick took his staff to work on a CGI show about talking farm animals.

Personality[edit]

Despite Carl and Sheen being Jimmy's "friends", they often join Cindy and Libby in picking on Jimmy and laughing at him, making the viewer wonder why he still hangs out with them.

Despite being ten years old and in elementary school, Jimmy in fact possesses college-level intelligence, thus explaining his tendency to act like a smug know-it-all around his peers. He did go to college once, but after accidentally unleashing unstable molecules and causing the whole school to burn to the ground, he was expelled.

Jimmy has a dog named Goddard, who is mechanical, as Jimmy is so reclusive that he couldn't handle raising a real dog. He also has two friends in school: Carl Wheezer, a severely sensitive anti-everything freak, who loves llamas and Jimmy's mom and has near-death experiences from touching everything; and Sheen Estevez, a hyperactive Hispanic who is obsessed with collecting Ultralord action figures.

Jimmy prides himself on teaching valuable and completely accurate scientific lessons to other children. Here are a few examples of his teachings:

  • Australia isn't a continent.
  • Snakes live in packs.
  • Thomas Edison invented electricity.
  • A vaccine can be created for a viral infection by extracting the virus's mitochondrion.
  • Egyptian hieroghlypics are written in Sanskrit.
  • Hamsters are high in HDL (high-density lipoprotein) cholesterol.
  • Chinese ginseng is a muscle relaxant.
  • People can never change because their personality is imprinted on their brain at birth.
  • The Cretaceous period ended 200 million years ago.
  • Despite the total lack of atmospheric gases in interstellar space, you can breathe and talk there just as easily as you can on Earth.
  • Inanimate objects, such as pants, will develop advanced brainial capacity and megalomania if a computer chip is installed into them.
  • Man-eating venus flytraps and spiders that are approximately 20 times the size of an average human exist in the wild.
  • The space-time continuum can easily be manipulated to allow someone to travel backwards in time, proving that that Einstein dude's theory of relativity is a load of bunk.

Relationships[edit]

Oooh, she's pissy.

Jimmy has had relationships with many different women. His most infamous relationship was with Cindy Vortex, a part-time dominatrix and a succubus young girl addicted to sadism. Jimmy was disgusted by her frighteningly stalker-like actions, as well as her abusive ways — yet at the same time, felt strangely attracted to them. In the final episode of the series, the two kiss, followed by Cindy beating Jimmy mercilessly, hitting him on the back of the head with a shovel, and burying him underground.

Jimmy's ex-girlfriend was Betty Quinlan, the popular girl at school. At first, he just dated her because she was attractive and popular, but then he just got sick of her, realizing how dumb she really was. Like one time, they were supposed to meet at a restaurant for a date, but Betty found her way into a sewer instead.

See also[edit]