User:Abacab/IHOP (second copy)
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|The title given to this article is displayed incorrectly because computers are trying to take over the Earth, so pretend it says iHop.
iHOP has a rich history, including (in collaboration with Nick and English scientists at the turn of the 18th century) inventing the actual pancake -- which barely resembles a cake, and being the birthplace of the Wafflecopter. It was better known to the world at large as the Devil's Fluffy Breakfast Food of Science. The Pope regarded it as taboo, so the pancake had to go underground. Certain speakeasies or "houses" became known for the best pancakes and began charging for their services. These became the first iHOPs.
iHOP was also started to run as a charity service and employment center for the average one-legged American. Hence the name, "iHOP." Since 1953, IHOP has sponsored the National Ass-Kicking Contest, although few of its one-legged employees have advanced beyond the preliminaries.
Who gives a good goddamn about that?
It's the International House Of Pancakes. Breakfast food is what they do. Pancakes, waffles (square pancakes), omelettes, coffee, and anything the average American believes would be sane to consume during the hours from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM, served all day in smoking and non-smoking sections. Along with their wide variety of tasty and affordable meals, they also serve generous helpings of good ol' fashioned love to all patrons of Northern European descent.
Little known to most, iHOP also specializes in all your senior citizen-hunting needs. Seriously, just call and ask. They totally won't think you're crazy or anything. iHOP really stands for "I hope old people die" (the "D" was omitted to keep old people from getting too suspicious about their senior friends NEVER returning from their trips to IHOP.) Edit: ACTUALLY, it just stands for I Hate Old People. Same meaning, rolls off the tongue better.
iHOP's most recent accomplishment was to renovate all of their 835 restaurants to newly built, edible buildings. That's right, you sit at your table, eat your table, and then eat your way out of the establishment.
Ihop is also known as the International House of Prostitutes, though nobody ever asks for THAT service, which I'm sure needs no explanation if you've ever actually been to an ihop yourself.