Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Fred Phelps reads rest of Bible, disbands Westboro Baptist Church
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User:Guildensternenstein/UnNews:Fred Phelps reads rest of Bible, disbands Westboro Baptist Church[edit source]
The first thing I've written for here in quite a while. Like this, I feel some good feedback and some expansion on my end of things just might make this feature-worthy. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:33, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | Very humourous concept because it turns Phelps entire life's mission on its head once he really reads the book he's been living by. For his family and followers to hate on him like they've been hating on gays just adds another layer onto the complicated Phelps philosophy and agenda (kill gays, God hates them)(Fags too)(Choco packers must die, give them hell)(Yeah). |
| Concept: | 8 | I don't know what a "c" is. But if it has something to do with construction of the story, this one is good and just needs further concepts and deeper storylines. Maybe Phelps can go into his history of why he really started to hate gays. Some story in that direction, given that he has finally read the Bible and must now kill his family for working on the Sabbath, will round out the sensitive side of Fred Phelps. The caring boy who turned bitter, the loving son who opened the door to the outhouse and found his dad being buggered by his best friend, the man who thought sex was for sissies until he met his wife and made her wear a Robert Redford mask every time they "did it". A section where Phelps is asked about where he started his mission would round-out what we know about the bitter old man. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | I assume this means pictures. It's a very good pic, and plays off the No more fags thing very well. Maybe if the page is enlarged to, say, twice it's present length, another pic can be added to further enhance the storyline. |
| Images: | 8 | "I" think this is a very good page and a great start. Just a little more info drawn out of Phelps from the reporters, and maybe one of his followers breaks into the press conference and starts demonstrating in front of Phelps calling him out as whatever they call people out for. You get the idea. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.9 | I don't know what "M" is. Why doesn't this template put entire words on it so we know what each section actually is. How many more letters would it take to do that? Not many, I'm assuming, unless "M" is code for an essay-length phrase. But I will assume that "M" means modification, and would say that the only modification needed is for more material. A press conference announcing the closing of his church, an entire swing of his life's magnet, and the fact that his family and followers have turned on him should be longer on each point. Modify it that way, and I will give you a 9 on each section, like a hot girl on the beach getting rated higher as she walks nearer. |
| Final Score: | 39.9 | I don't know what this means. Fcomment. Jeez, can't the Pee Review department just write what they mean. Fcomment. WTF comment, more like it. |
| Reviewer: | SireSir Aleister of Hempstead on the Thames, earl of Stanley laurel, House of the Rising Sun, imperitor of her Majesty the Qween, toot sweet 19:36 31-5-'11 | |