UnScripts:The 2004 hurricane season

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The 2004 hurricane season is part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions

Act 1: The Pre Charley[edit]

  • Florida-I got the camera back online
  • North Carolina-Good job.
  • Florida-Any storms that we missed? It is July. I think last year we already had one 3 months ago.
  • North Carolina-No.
  • Florida-Are you telling me we had no storms...AT ALL?!?!?!?!

Excuse us for the technical difficulties, our camera broke. Florida seems to be exploding in joy.

  • South Carolina-You okay, Flo? It seems like you are having a heart attack?
  • Florida-No.
  • Florida-Going into August now.
  • August-Hello.
  • Florida-Hello. I think my eye detects Tropical Depression 1.
  • Florida-C'MON FUCKING FORM ALREADY!!!!
  • Hurricane Alex-Stop telling me what to do. Your not my dad.
  • Florida-I gave you life. So, I am your dad. Remember that.
  • Hurricane Alex-I hate you. I will come when I want. In 2010 I will come in June, and in 2016 I will come in January and suprise the fuck outta everyone.
  • Florida-Sigh, kids. Why did it take until August to make a storm?
  • 2004 Atlantic hurricane season headquarters-You succ.
  • Florida-You zucc.
  • Yucatan Penisula-No Facebook jokes allowed
  • Florida-Yucatan pls.
  • Florida-Wait a minute, it's 2004. As if I am so stupid to remember that. What do you mean by revenge?
  • 2004-Seriously? Took ya two years to ask that?
  • Tropical Storm Bonnie-Keeps saying "five nights" even though nobody fucking cares.
  • Hurricane Charley-I'm a Charley horse.
  • Cuba-Charley, your a storm, not a horse.
  • Tropical Storm Bonnie-Then I will hit Florida and give them their five nights.
  • Hurricane Charley-Fine, wanna call me a horse?
  • Tropical Storm Bonnie-Yeah. Now time for me to destroy Florida....with my 45mph winds. Dammit.
  • Florida-Bonnie, ya weak piece of shit. Barely felt a pinch. Wonder what this Charley horse is gonna do. I do see a category 3, but nah its gonna weaken. So I am not sweating at all.

Act 2: Florida Death Part 1: Death by the Old Town Road[edit]

The following will be set to the scene of 1869.

  • Florida's death part 1, mission complete.
  • Hurricane Danielle-Call me ousside.
  • Tropical Storm Earl-Fuck, I failed to make it to the East Coast. WIND SHEAR!!!!!!
  • Florida-Yes, activity.
  • Tennessee-Danielle pls. Fuck off.
  • Florida-Earl is a failure.
  • North Carolina-Go back to seeing Dr. Phil, you might need that.
  • Hurricane Danielle-WHO ARE YOU THINKING YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!

The next scene has been skipped because it is just North Carolina killing Danielle. And Wikipedia likely merging it.

  • Florida-Sigh, this is gonna be a loooooong season.
  • Florida-Now we got nothing. This is depressing.
  • Florida, a few days later-Finally a storm is forming.

Act 3:Florida Death Part 2: Conquest by France[edit]

  • Hurricane Frances-FRANCE WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR DISRESPECT.
  • Florida-WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! FUCK OFF!
  • Hurricane Frances-Then explain this video I found. Also, fuck you for telling a hurricane to fuck off.
  • Florida-Oh shit, I forgot to delete it. <poops pants>
  • Hurricane Frances-Gaston, play the footage.
  • Hurricane Gaston-Oui, master.
  • Florida-Wait, Gaston turned on us?
  • Tropical Storm Hermine-I'm Gaston's offspring.
  • Hurricane Frances-You see, France is more superior. Not what you think it is. stupid former Spanish colony. Now we will launch an invasion up your anus because you think we're that dumb. Wow. I'm dissapointed
  • Florida-Um, no.

French destruction mode activated.

  • Florida-Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
  • Hurricane Frances-I'm sending my friend Ivan since you don't seem to learn anything, ever. Even with my invasion.
  • Florida-GAAH!
  • Hurricane Ivan-Now to finish you off. However, I need an epic guitar solo.
  • Guitar-Strings break.
  • Hurricane Ivan-Fuck, guess will have to do without it.

Act 4: Florida's Death Part 3: Ivan's Epicness[edit]

  • Florida-WHY DOES THE EPIC MUSIC NEED TO BE PLAYED WHEN I"M GETTING KILLED???
  • Hurricane Ivan-You see, my epicness is the thing that's killing you. Check out this epic swideswap seasurface current-it's 5MPH!!!
  • Florida-You can't do this to me; I can only take getting struck up to 4 times a year.
  • Hurricane Ivan-Your time has come to face your worst nightmares...Face the fact that you are worthless.
  • Florida-No please no!
  • Hurricane Ivan-Epic music defeats all
  • Hurricane Jeanne-Oh woah.

Hurricane Ivan slams a hole into Alabama, the western part of the Florida Panhandle and even a bit into Georgia.

  • Hurricane Jeanne-I wanna hit Florida like it's my daddy. Even though it is.
  • Florida-NO I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. YOU CAN'T COME HERE. YOU WILL GET SHOT DOWN IF YOU DO
  • United States-Sorry, we already used them on Iraq/
  • Florida-DAMMIT!
  • Hurricane Jeanne-I will find my way, wait a minute. Hang on....getting lost.

Act 5: Florida's Death Part 4: The Dance of Literal Death.[edit]

  • Hurricane Lisa-Don't worry, I'll give you a boost.
  • Hurricane Jeanne-Thank you!
  • Hurricane Lisa-Good luck.
  • Hurricane Jeanne-Now Florida, it's time to meat the grim reaper.

<Florida dies>

  • United States-FLORIDA!!! My leg is broken!!!!!!!
  • Hurricane Lisa-I'm Lisa 2....oh wait wrong time. Guess I'll go spin in the central Atlantic till I die due to cold waters.
  • United States-OMG he's dead.
  • The Whole Word-What happened?
  • United States-Owwwwwwwwwwwwww! My leg came off!
  • 2005 Atlantic hurricane season-Ya thought it was bad? Wait till next year!
  • United States-I can't believe it.
  • Caribbean-What do we do now?
  • Tropical Storm Matthew-Dang it, someone already killed Florida and beat me to it!
  • Caribbean-What is that?
  • United States-I didn't hear anything.
  • Subtropical Storm Nicole-Bermuda is a nice place.
  • Bermuda-Not this year.
  • United States, months later-End of November, are we done now? I think so.
  • Caribbean-Yeap, think so. Thanksgiving already passed. The turkey was bad though. I almost vomitted....WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING???
  • Tropical Storm Otto-I am Otto, here to ruin your day and make you think your season was over. In respect of Florida, though, I will just drift away. Into December.
  • Guatemala-Late season storms are idiots.
  • United States-Well that's it for 2004, good job ocean. Ocean?
  • Ocean-Preparing for ultimate destruction and chaos in 2005.
  • United States-What's gonna fall next? <sigh>