UnNews:Winter Storm Xylia drops record snow on Denver, whilst most of the nation is much below average temperatures
Monday, March 15, 2021
|This article is part of UnNews Weather Service, your source for up-to-the-minute (brain) fog.|
Winter Storm Xylia, aka the March 2021 North American Storm Complex (cough, Wikipedia, cough), dropped record breaking snow across Colorado. 19 inches in Denver. An inch of rain, too.....this is bad. Third snowiest winter storm on record too....this is really bad. First Oregon had their worst winter, then Texas did (by a fuckton, it actually cost more then $195 billion), and now Colorado? What the fuck? Fuck you 2021!!!
But what does this mean for New York City? Well, at 91-99 City Hall, which is what Dark Sky put as New York City (the source of our weather data comes from here. It's up to us to make it funny), is 39˚F, and you can see an inch of rain oh shit, this was supposed to be about nationwide temperatures! Long Island gets as cold as 31˚F in Dutch Plains. Actually most of the Northeast is way below normal. Neither Democrats, nor especially Republicans, really feel like pumping heat here cause they know the Democrats will win. Except in New Hampshire and southern Maine, but fuck them, right? The warmest it gets is in the Cumberland Valley of Pennsylvania in the Northeast at 47˚F. (If you don't include Maryland or Delaware, but hey, we're trying to stop WW3.) Southern New Jersey only gets to 44˚F, and that's the warmest in NJ. Parts of Northern New England get to 8˚F. There is a hole in the jet stream caused by Republicans, who framed the Democrats.
But why did Denver get so much snow? Politics. Colorado used to be Republican, but now is democrat, as evidenced by their 2000-12 vs 2008-20 electoral history map, as well as by this, this, and so much more. You can feel it in your ballsack.Republicans blamed them for the Senate loss, and then sent cold and moist air in to teach them a lesson. Dems tried to fight back with warm air, but couldn't get it above freezing, and the snow enhanced. This also lead to other consequences in other states. The Republicans and Democrats will go head to head in 2022, due to this. However, the battles will be steered away, and take place mainly in Arizona and Pennsylvania, but possibly also in other states such as Wisconsin and Georgia. FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
- "Colorado Weather: Blizzard Warning In Effect As Biggest Snowstorm In 15 Years Hits Denver" CBS 4 Denver, March 14, 2021