UnNews:Vancouver Canucks impulsively fire coach after only one year

Humpday, May 21, 2026

This is the guy the Vancouver Canadianz fired. I think..

VANCOUVER, NEW YORK CANADIA-- Following just one season, the Vancouver Canucks just fired their coach! What are they thinking?

"So after some deep discussions, I finally listened to all the fans who said that something was wrong with my hockey team, and then I fired my entitled general manager. And look at how good my hockey team is doing now!"

Seriously, why did they fire such a good coach, he led Vancouver to 32nd place! Isn't that the best thing in hockey?

Okay, now my manager is saying that no, it's actually the worst thing, unless you're tanking.. so you mean the Buffalo Sabres have always been bad until this year? And the Tampa Bay Lightning have actually been good??!

Ah.. why am I being told to leave my desk-

Noooo you can't fire me, I just got here!! Please, Mr. Editor! You can't just fire me for farting too much, peeing myself, sexually harassing the receptionist, being generally annoying, knowing nothing about sports or Vancouver, and writing just one bad article! And I totally didn't just plagiarize a paragraph from another article! I have connections! The last guy who was the boss before he was fired said I could work here and write those sportsball articles!

What do you mean that doesn't mean shit? I AM YOUR ONLY HOCKEY WRITER! I have-

[window smashing as hockey writer is tossed out the window]

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH for the record I also fucked my boss's wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife-

[bloody splatter outside]

UP NEXT: UnNews impulsively fires idiot contributor after just one hastily-written article

Sources

• "Canucks fire Adam Foote and staff after dealt difficult hand". ESPN. May 20, 2026.