UnNews:UnNews shutting down
Wednesday, April 15, 2026
t is with a heavy fart that Uncyclopedia announce that UnNews will be shutting down on May 4, 2026. It wasn't an easy decision to make, and wasn't taken lightly. But here's the reality - We're swamped in headlines waiting to be rewritten, and I haven't written shit all year - accumulating during years dominated by:
Takes deep breath
- Donald Trump
- The Jeffrey Epstein files
- The final season of Stranger Things
- Massive heat waves and climate change
- The 2026 Winter Olympics
- The 2026 Paralympics
- A Bad Bunny concert with a free football game for some reason
- AI slop
- The whole Warner Bros.-Netflix-Paramount three-ring circus
- Artemis II
- Britney Spears's DUI and rehab
- Ashley Padilla's dominance on SNL
- A war in Iran
- The return of Euphoria
- The final episodes of Smiling Friends
- The final episodes of The Amazing Digital Circus
- The ouster of Viktor Orbán
- MeTV Toons being added to Comcast/Xfinity
- YouTube becoming more and more addicting, and videos piling up in my bookmarks and "Watch Later" playlist
- My own loss of energy
- And eventually Eurovision Song Contest
- I'm probably missing more major world events
We simply haven't had any time to breathe! Hell, I used ChatGPT and Reddit to help me write this article - plotholes and all - while I played an online game called *Animals Merge*, and another one where I have to correctly guess the box office for a random weekend.
Here are the UnNews articles we had been intending to write, but never got around to:
- Cats on a Plane greenlit, Jackson hesitant to return
- Garth Brooks sued by the real Chris Gaines
- Alyssa Milano: "Nixon helped tremendously" with hair loss
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stuck in a quantum superposition
- The company formerly known as Viacom buys Warner Bros.' asses, targeting you next
- Michael Myers: "Jason and I never talk about that kind of stuff"
- Mr. Monk marches for peace in Virginia
- Van Halen to Democrats: "Stand for something. Don't just be anti-Trump"
- Dick Van Dyke mistaken for David Letterman
- Keir Starmer to be replaced
- Trump sends condolences to "Lon Chaney"
There's only one thing left to do. Let UnNews destroy itself, and I die with it for no apparent reason beyond the simple fact that if I stay alive, Babylon Bee will use my powers - my blood - to create clones of me to use for nefarious purposes - and I can't let that happen. However, you're free to pretend I'm still alive as a coping mechanism during your next D&D game.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Enrico Giardina "Wikimedia Foundation is shutting down news project Wikinews" Heise, April 8, 2026
