UnNews:U.S. and North Korea open talks, says Kim JOng Il 'It was Scorsese's time'

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

6 March 2007

NEW YORK, U.S.-- The United States and North Korea have this week opened historic talks aimed at bringing about joint movie productions between the two countries. North Korea's foreign minister Kim Kye Gwan attended meetings at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel hosted by U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill. Mr Kim's press secretary declared the meetings a breakthrough being the first talks held between the former enemies since the cessation of hostilities in the Korean war more than 50 years ago. "These talks are momentous in the extreme. Mr. Kim has brought a wide selection of material to be discussed. Including, but not limited to, the recent works of Clint Eastwood and 'Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang."

A U.S. flunky proclaimed the meetings to be the biggest single step towards the end of the cold war since the first 'Austin Powers' movie. "The people of North Korea have extended the hand of friendship and we shall welcome them, by shouting the first round of 'popcorn'.

I see it as a cross between 'Good will hunting' and 'The real Cancun'

Mr. Kim's trained goat outlined the hectic schedule of the diplomats over the next week of negotiations. "The meetings begin here in New York, where Mr. Kim is looking forward to seeing the location of his favourite movie, 'Funny girl'. Then we will be moving on to Los Angeles where further talks will take place in the home of North Korea's most loved Hollywood star, Rob Schneider."

However the talks have already hit an early sticking point with a failure to come to a consensus on the director of the future joint project. Mr. Kim's spokes puppet was adamant that it would be North Korea's enigmatic leader and long time movie tragic Kim Jong Il. "Mr Kim is greatly looking forward to working with cinematic legends the like of Steven Spielberg, Harrison Ford and Dwight Yokem."

However the automated comment machine speaking on behalf of the U.S. emphatically denied that any agreement had been reached on the choice of future director. "At present no one is attached to direct this delicate political movie. There is too much room for an international relations disaster to allow any studio director to take the reigns on this project." When asked if Kim Jong Il was a possibility the automaton replied, "there can be little doubt that the North Korean leader has perhaps the greatest amount of experience when it comes to directing massive casts in the creation of fantasy, however his disinclination to leave his native North Korea, does pose problems with the rather gruelling international shoot planned in the Bahamas, Latvia and the highlands of Paraguay."

The talks continue despite 'Block-Busters claim that 'House Party' was three weeks overdue.

-A and a P

Sources

• AP "U.S., North Korea open historic talks" CNN, March, 05, 2007