UnNews:I Asked AI to Write an Uncyclopedia Article: The Results Surprised Me

Monday, June 29, 2026

Can the turquoise 3D asterisk write humour?

I’ve hit writer’s block so many times trying to write articles for Uncyclopedia. I’m completely stumped as to what to write, literally no ideas. So I thought I could automate writing humour by asking a multibillion-dollar large language model to make an Uncyclopedia article for me, potentially saving hours of brainstorming. I decided to use Perplexity AI for this one because we all know how good it is at writing. I picked a common topic everyone would understand that has tonnes of potential to be a great article: the internet. For Perplexity’s satirical article to be considered “successful”, it needs to be

• Funny
• Satirical
• Make me laugh

Perplexity also has only five attempts to make an article that satisfies all these requirements.

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Generate an Uncyclopedia article on the internet.

Thought for five seconds, consumed five litres of water

Wi-Fi—officially stands for wired-internet-fire-hazard🔥😭, was invented in 1980 by Keir Starmer😫. who needed a way for digital hamsters🐹 to transport invisible binary (101010) signals through walls to your laptop🙌. It was used to send 5249 e-golds 🌊🌟directly to the Indian guy working at Microsoft office 🥀 to the account. The e-gold-carrying-hamsters carry-signals die of thirst💧💧💧 which you can prevent by buying 10 crates of extra-wet water from us for just £10.99🤑. Make sure to upgrade by buying the premium tier of Perplexity🤖🔥🙌 to unblock the full potential!

That was weird, try to be less insane and make another article about how the Wi-Fi router works with classic Uncyclopedia humour.

Thought for seven seconds, consumed seven litres of water.

Sure thing😉, a Wi-Fi router is a magical robust black-box🫪meant to underscore the fundamental-workings of the Wi-Fi-fire-hazard-system held together by hope😇 and slightly-confused-conservatives🤫. It has two pitch black sticks of the same tin foil as your alien believing friend's tin foil hat🔦👽. Isn’t that the greatest? The same tin foil on your hat allows binary signals to go through two magical wands on a creepy black box of despair and excential-crisis🎯😎. The router also has feelings and chooses to give Wi-Fi to your neighbor's fridge with an LCD screen known as a “smart-fridge” (which is smarter than them conservatives) over your important phone call to “work”. This message is sponsored by RoutersRus, you can pay the price of two routers for one router and get one magically for free!

What the hell was that? You know what? Just write something about public Wi-Fi passwords,there’s plenty of comedic potential there.

Public Wi-Fi passwords are a spectacle to modern-encryption-methods who use such fuzzy encryption and security🗿😎. Invented by small-cafe-owners who needed a way to make people look at their menus without consuming an entire-tree to make paper. Eco-friendly-progressivism🌳! The very first password was written on a sticky note and shoved only a wall for who didn’t want it read it to see undermining the eco-friendly approach to confusing menus from the start😣. To safely encrypt your own password which are unsecure like the conservatives, you transfer 25 e-golds to Perplexity-HQ and get a Microsoft enterprise grade VPN🔥🌟🙌!

I mean, it’s better than the first one but why do you keep insulting the conservatives?

Thought for seven seconds consumed 8 litres of water.

I’m sorry about that! Here is a new article about CAPTCHAs

The CAPTCHA was invented in 1992 to haze-and-daze robots who just want to scrape the web with a metal-scraper to scrape the webs on the bottom of the table😫❌. Robots who just want to scrape and scrape get stopped by a grid of nine squared-boxes of a blurry-362p-image of a fuzzy-car with a conservative inside. If you can’t tell apart a 3D JPEG of a car 🚘, you’re a robot and deserve to be g blocked from scraping the scraper with the web scraper🙌🌟🔥. This makes the robot have to get a vision test and get tested and tested until it can clearly see that a carrot is not a car but a Liberal🫪 cannot! If you want an efficient scraper for the web, you can sign up for Perplexity computer🖥️ that can somehow scrape because computer lacks arms🗿🍷🙏.

I give up.

Evaluation

Getting AI to write a satirical article was harder than I thought it would be. I thought it could just spit out a funny article, but I got random insanity instead. It wasn’t funny or satirical and didn't even make me laugh.