UnNews:Extreme cold coming to Long Island

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10 February 2021

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February is known to be a warm time in Long Island, but not says 2021.

“Yeah, ok, we'll spare you in February. Be prepared for March though”

~ 2018

“We were nice to you in January. Have a nice February, and get screwed!”

~ 2021

Meteorologists were fucking wrong that this would be a warm February. Look at the below forecast!

I mean, warmer then the forecasts yesterday, but still frigid!

That is just one forecast, Dark Sky, however.

Look at the fucking purple. As wind moves east, you see, it will bring it over to us, see!

See how the freezing cold air goes to IdahoMontana, as far south as Kansas(or maybe Nebraska depending on how sterngy you are), and as far east even as Western New York, and all of that is going to be sweeping over. Get ready for your butts to be screwed.

Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine are also getting screwed, but remember how there it is late and the sun is down. It will be expanding to the south, though, and screwing over your butts. And I will say, TWC is less optimistic then Dark Sky.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?[edit]

It is simple. Stupid winds move stupid east between 30 and 60 degrees north. Why? I have no freaking clue! Earth is weird. The mid latitudes are weird! But basically arctic airmass comes in as winds blow from the southeast here. An center Long Island is particuarly screwed, the LI Sound and Atlantic Ocean don't head them, especially in eastern Nassau County. Stupid easterly winds.

Will I die?[edit]

Um, if you live in the Great Plains, you are already dead. Erm, Long Island, that I am not sure. That I have to see. I'd say a 39.5855549300000000000085555569330245844858688594939393939300202039495959684847473763636475859599696959483838% chance but it is really up to you. So yeah, you have roughly a 1 in 2.5 chance of dying. Say bye bye to forty percent of your friends.

Snow[edit]

Oh god damn it, there's SNOW????? Yeap. An ice storm

“Oh, Manhattan's in an ice storm!”

~ God

Yeap, it's currently expected to fuck everyone's anus from Arkansas and Missouri right up to Long Island. Snow, ice, freezing rain, basically the cold form of hell. Add that on top of temps in the teens, and I up your death chance to 58.4949496864903032020309459869540303030495995959494995599% chance. So, yeah, say good bye now. As well as to three fifths of your friends.