UnNews:East Coast receiving severe weather to end March

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Wednesday, March 31, 2021

UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews Weather Service, your source for up-to-the-minute (brain) fog.
Storm system at 15:45 UTC (11:45 AM EDT, 10:45 AM CDT).

Some tornadoes may form in Alabama, which recently recieved heavy flooding. Flash flooding. Millions are on watches for severe weather. Not tornadoes, probably (we've seen too many of those. What the fuck, how active was March?) but 39 million will see severe storms. Seven people died from the outbreak and cold and warm air are causing this. It's freezing just east, this is a cold front. Fires in South Dakota, and gusts hitting 79mph in North Dakota. When we gave Montana that mention in the Newfoundland wind article, we didn't realize what would come. We were dumb, now we would pay.

Before the storm, temperatures in Abredeen, SD got to 81°F, which is near record temperature, if not a record. After, it barely got to 39°F. 21 million Americans are on freeze watches. Lake effect snow may form, which can be feet of snow, such as Lake Storm Aphid of October 2006. Most of Upstate will see 6-10 inches, and possibly spreading to New York City. The last time it snowed in April, it caused panic, despair, and was a disaster. It will warm up by the weekend, though. The Great Plains may see 30° above average. But the Northeast will still be cold. This storm will be a disaster.

Now, why is this happening? Well, the tornado gods are, yet again, setting out to destroy as much as possible. They were happy with the 24-27 outbreak, but they don't like that the 16-18 outbreak killed no one. The tornado gods want to take over the Earth, and kill a lot of people. Also, the 2022 House and Senate elections will be extremely competetive, so much so so that 5 House seats (I think?) and 1 Senate seat is needed for a GOP flip. Whilst the Senate is looking to be 50-48 (with 2 battlegrounds, 50 is really 51 due to Kamala Harris), the House is looking like a narrow GOP flip. But will Puerto Rico be a state? What will happen. We won't know till UnNews puts an article about it, which won't happen until THESE TORNADOES STOP.

Also, April is a lamb. But this lamb has got to take a piss.