UnNews:Concurrent Kirkiversaries cause confusion
Thursday, September 10, 2026
PHOENIX, Arizona — Two concurrent Kirkiversaries are causing confusion among two totally different demographics.
12 Conservatives gathered together to honor the 60th anniversary of Star Trek.
"I didn't come here to be bombarded by a bunch of overgrown woke nerds who live in their parents' basement," says Atticus Atkinson, 46, of Detroit. "I came here to honor a martyr for our great cause! White supremacy, subservient wives without jobs, and Christian nationalism. Not a single n----r in our neighborhoods."
Our reporter, a diehard Trekkie, fled the scene immediately.
On the flip side, legions of Trekkies made the pilgrimage to Turning Point USA to pay their respects to Captain James T. Kirk.
"When I saw a large poster of Charlie Kirk, my immediate reaction was... oh my!" says Steve Lee of San Francisco, dressed as U.S.S. Enterprise helmsman Sulu (played by George Takei). "I just wanted to celebrate 60 years of the show that inspired me to become an astronaut. Instead, I get this. Half these people think the earth is flat! The other half thinks Stanley Kubrick faked the Moon landing."
Another fan, dressed as a Klingon, expressed her dismay. "James T. qIrq Charlie qIrq je polar Dop nuvpue' ghaj. 'up pong lughaj. James T. qIrq tay'chuq, utopia 'ej loD pIm charlie qIrq. muS, bigotry 'ej division 'uchqu' Charlie qIrq. nIb 'oHbe'. quv Hutlh vIHtaHbogh naQ."
[Translated from Klingon: "James T. Kirk and Charlie Kirk are polar-opposite individuals, with polar-opposite principles. It is disgusting that they share a surname. James T. Kirk is all about unity, utopia and overcoming man's differences. Charlie Kirk embraced hate, bigotry and division. It's not the same thing. His whole movement is without honor." - Ed.]
Bob Driscoll, dressed as KHAAAAAAN!, chimed in (in English): "This isn't what James T. Kirk stands for, and it's certainly not what Gene Roddenberry stood for. Remember, Star Trek not only featured a Black woman in a position of power, but also TV's first interracial kiss... between Kirk and Uhura. Star Trek united Americans with Russkies; whites and Blacks; Christians, Jews, Muslims and atheists; Popes and Rabbis; Bloods and Crips; tomatoes and to-mah-toes; Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees; Democrats and Republicans; the Hatfields and the McCoys; Godzilla and King Kong; East Coast rappers and West Coast rappers..."
Organizers still aren't sure what caused the mix-up.
"We're still looking into it," says a spokesperson for Turning Point USA. "Have you found anything, Chekov?"
"Nyet," the employee replied.
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