UnNews:Cats on a Plane greenlit, Jackson hesitant to return
Monday, April 27, 2026
HOLLYWOOD - A Lufthansa flight has been disrupted by what many describe as a "chonky" orange cat who attempted a sophisticated heist on the first class cabin reportedly to steal salmon. This heist has caused disruption throughout the cabin for nearly six minutes until crew members eventually got control of the cat.
Following the incident, the new and upcoming movie Cats on a Plane has just been greenlit which is rumoured to star Snakes on a Plane star, Samuel L. Jackson. Although filming was to begin in early May, Jackson has expressed how hesitant he is to return to the industry.
"I can't do it. Before it was motherfucking snakes, and now it's the cats on a plane!? I simply cannot do it." said Jackson in an interview.
When reporters questioned why he was afraid to fight cats if he had already fought snakes which many believe to have superior combat skills, Jackson stated, "Snakes are predictable; they look you in the eye and say 'I'm going to inject a highly lethal dose of venom into you.' Meanwhile, cats stare into your soul and mesmerize your ass, and Lord forbid they mesmerize the motherfuckin' pilot, 'cause then they be runnin' all over those cockpit buttons until one causes y'all to crash.
"Oh, and y'all remember how my character Nick Fury got his eye patch in Captain Marvel? First mistake was appearing in that film in the first place! Second of all, they gave that Mary Sue a motherfuckin' cat?? And it ain't no CGI cat neither! I thought that cat clawed out my eye for real!"
Jackson elaborated on his statement by saying, "No life insurance providers will cover me for "intentionally induced cat trauma on set."
With filming delayed, New Line Cinema has proposed ideas to get started on filming such as:
- Replacing the cats with CGI, which was quickly scrapped due to PTSD caused by the 2019 Cats movie which NATO classified as a war crime.
- Finding anyone without a fear of cats to replace Jackson which was harder than anticipated.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Blake Seidel "Lufthansa flight interrupted to find chonky orange cat who escaped airline carrier and was attempting to sneak into first class 40,000 feet in the air: 'He wasn't sorry at all'" CHEEZburger, April 5th, 2026