UnNews:Artemis II lunar spacecraft shits itself
Monday, April 6, 2026
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
– NASA on the impending plumbing nightmare
OUTER SPACE, SOME 5,000 MILES ABOVE THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON- Houston, we have a stinky problem: talk about some ass-tronauts shitting themselves at the worst time.. and place.
Desperate to go farther than any man (or woman!) has gone before, the crew of the Artemis II lunar orbiter commanded the spacecraft to push itself farther out than what mission objectives had originally outlined. One member of the crew who wasn't on board with the impulsive decision shit himself when captain Reid Wiseass decided to pull some Captain Kirk-esque schenanigans. The one woman on board scolded the captain so much he shit himself too despite keeping a brave face and doing his best to ignore her.
And sure enough, the Lockheed Martin-manufactured spacecraft did go farther out than any manned (or womanned, remember, we got one lady onboard!) spacecraft before it, breaking the record. The only thing was that the prior record holder, Apollo 13, notoriously shit itself, so what did they really think was going to happen? Artemis II, having exerted itself waaaaaaaay farther out from the Moon than mission objectives had mandated, thus shit itself so much that the onboard toilet a sploded, leading to the other two crewmembers shitting themselves too.
Fortunately, the spacecraft is still operational, and there is little need to use the actual fuel for propulsion due to another explosive force now propelling the craft. There's just a lot of shit floating inside that glorified aluminum can hurtling through space back to Earth, with no way to get rid of it for another week with the toilet busted. And the Far.. sorry, the Fart side of Moon "mooning" them as well, to add insult to injury.