UnNews:America gives birth at 250

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4 July 2026

The United States broke records today for being the oldest country in the world to give birth. At 250 the nation is still a toddler in the eyes of Europe, on the verge of collapse in the eyes of Americans, too Christian in the eyes of atheists, and too Muslim in the eyes of Christians. it's this deep division that unites us all.

The President commemorated the day by demanding all Americans submit a picture of his beautiful face to the Department of Homeland Security if they wish to remain alive.

For real though, happy 250th, America. Here’s to the people, their enduring desire for freedom and peace, and to another 250 years of keeping this wild, beautiful experiment running.

God Bless the U.S.A!

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