UnNews:"So brave" Community Support Officers hide behind a tree and "take notes" as man is butchered to death

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 November 2007

"So you say your wife has been robbed at gunpoint by a mad gypsie? Tell it to someone who cares mate, now PISS OFF!"

A MAN WAS HACKED TO PIECES as community support officers (PCSOs) bravely cowered behind a tree to "take notes and draw pictures" of the crime scene. The two female officers were applauded for their deliberate and calculated inaction and held up as "an example of where modern policing in the UK is heading."

The two PCSOs acted decisively decisively when a 55 year old man was set upon by the serial killer "Parkland Slasher" last Friday. They courageously "and with single-minded determination to avoid inflaming or offending the slasher" managed to find a tree to hide behind as the poor fellow was "cut limb from limb".

Police spokesman David Fokemhard did not hesitate to heap praise on the officers, "their actions were above and beyond the call of duty. The fact that they managed to take notes AND draw pictures from behind a tree whilst witnessing a grusome and violent murder is a credit to all PCSOs around the country."

In later news it emerged that the officers were to sue the police for putting them in a position "of extreme danger and stress." One of the officers is said to have suffered a serious and possibly 'life threatening' rash when she urinated in her knickers. It is thought they may win as much as £120,000 in damages.

The "Parkland Slasher" was last night still at large.

Sources

• I cannot be bothered "move along sir" anyone for donuts?, November 5, 2007