Tigger
“Tigga, please”
– Winnie the Pooh on Tigger stealing his honey
STOP! I know what you were searching for, you dyslexic racist scum! This page is about a character who only symbolically represents that word! Tigger is an anthropomorphic living stuffed tiger who was the direct result of a Nazi biological experiment to place a super soldier inside the body of a stuffed animal. Tigger is often found with his fellow failed experiments hiding out from the CIA, KGB, and SS in a mist-shrouded forest called the woods, which tells you exactly how damaged their brains got after the surgery.
History[edit | edit source]
Originally a man named Klaus Tigo, he was nothing more than an average, (possibly below IQ), German citizen during World War II. Tigo also had a severe birth defect, giving him a very strange and offputting face, as well as a tail. Failing to meet the basic requirements to join the German army after falling out of his chair and throwing up on the seargent's dress uniform, he decided to make use of himself by donating himself to the scientific research wing of the SS, known as the Ubermuncher. The Ubermunncher team quickly took the poor malformed Tigo in, and after a lengthy and messy surgical process, managed to cram his brain and most of his internal organs into one of the scientist's stuffed toy tigers.
The liver was left out due to the surgeons not knowing what it was for at the time, and neither testicle was transferred over either. A spring was placed into his tail to ensure it would stay stiff and erect, and to allow the newly made abomination to leap over high walls and into enemy bases. The concept behind Tigo being a living toy was so that he could easily infiltrate nearly anywhere under the guise of being nothing more than a harmless stuffed animal. Unfortunately for the Ubermuncher team, Tigo quickly made use of his spring-loaded tail and escaped the medical compound alongside several other botched experiments, including Winnie the Shit, Donkey Bore, Pink Piggy, and the invisible "Heffalump."
The gang all retreated to a nearby forest where they could more easily avoid the search parties sent after them. They made it their home, constructing crude huts out of sticks and grass. They then decided to renamed themselves: Tigo declared himself "Tigger," Winnie the Shit chose "Winnie the Pooh," Pink Piggy chose "Piglet," and Donkey Bore chose "Eeyore." The Heffalump was banished due to being "weird," and it swore revenge against the rest, frequently showing up to cause trouble and put pine needles in Pooh's honeypot.
At some point in time they managed to groom a local teenager and convince him to help them in their plans for world domination. Tigger served as the enforcer, ensuring that the teen never escaped and never revealed their plans.
Description[edit | edit source]
Tigger is basically a old and scraggly looking stuffed tiger. Barely resembling a real tiger, Tigger has no teeth and a large head, meant to contain his human sized brain. The rest of his body got the short end of the stick, and thanks to several missing organs, was turned into a horrifically thin chest area. The end result was that his head was several sizes too large for his body, and even on the best of days he looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks. Tigger is covered from head to toe in clearly defined and mathematically based stripes, unlike the actual tiger with random stripes going everywhere. Tigger's lower jaw is also greatly enlarged thanks to the surgeons mangling his face and accidentally installing his teeth in the wrong area, leading to the aforementioned toothlessness–his teeth are inside of his jaw! Tigger has only two "fingers" per hand, with one being what appears to be 4 fingers fused together, and the last being a short stub that may have once been a thumb. Even worse are his feet, which have been turned into solid lumps of flesh. Tigger's ears are completely useless due to just being some felt sown onto his body, and the only way for him to really interact with the world is through his singular eye in the center of his forehead. The pupil was split in half to give the impression of there being two eyes, but an anatomical study showed that there was actually only ever one eyeball.
Accomplices[edit | edit source]
Winnie the Pooh[edit | edit source]
An evil villain who enjoys honey and human blood. Serves as the de facto leader of the misfit group. Winnie was originally a low ranking soldier who had made the mistake of stealing from the general's private store of honey. He had been drowned in a vat of electrified honey before being placed inside a stuffed teddy bear. Pooh sees Tigger as his best friend, but also utilizes him as a living punching bag and the butt of all his cruel jokes, often involving a chainsaw.
Piglet[edit | edit source]
Treacherous female (male?) piglet who gouged out their own eyes in a fit of ecstasy. Piglet was possibly the result of a homeless teenager who had been picked off the streets for one of the earliest prototype experiments, making them technically one of the eldest while being clearly the youngest. Piglet sees Tigger as a sort of older brother, but would never ever admit to that so therefore makes sure to act like a little cunt around Tigger.
Eeyore[edit | edit source]
A terminally ill but brutally cruel and powerful male donkey. Eeyore was not much more than a vegetable when the Ubermuncher scientists found him hiding under a table, and then infused his muscles with fentanyl to give him extreme strength, while reducing his already vegetative brain even further, forcing him to live out his days as an indestructible moron with no sense of urgency for anything. Eeyore doesn't accept the existence of Tigger, and firmly states that there is "no such thing as a tiger to begin with, let alone the spring-tailed prancing bulimia patient over there."
Kanga[edit | edit source]
A demonic creature summoned straight from hell, Kanga is the "mother" of Roo, a slammer hellspawn stemming from a union between Satan and Kanga. Kanga treats Tigger like a second-class animal, frequently forcing him out of the group meetings and trying to convince the others that he is more brain damaged than everyone else.
Roo[edit | edit source]
A living squirming pile of shit formed into the shape of a joey, Roo is the "offspring" of Satan and Kanga. Serves as the comedic relief to the others as he is frequently sat on, eaten, and shit back out all in one piece. Roo is prevented from meeting Tigger by Kanga, as she fears he will be chewed up as supposed to just eaten. What Kanga forgets is that Tigger has no teeth.
Owl[edit | edit source]
Literally just an owl, but is still so much more intelligent than the experiments that it convinced them it was also an experiment and has superpowers. Owl does not have superpowers. Owl warns the others that Tigger is nothing more than a liability, as he is 1) a predator, and 2) bright orange, meaning he is visible from approximately 10 miles away even in the middle of the forest.
