That time I was nearly raped by a gay English teacher trying to sell me a free iPod during my sojourn in Canada

He looked kinda like this, only with a fucking iPod.

Dude, that fucking guy was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

camping in the fucking woods, doing my Solid Snake thing with the Arctic shit and the huskies, right? Like, it was not a gay retared place like the moon. It was cool and not a bad place. i hope it doesn't melt or anything.

and this fucking guy

bursts out of the trees, musk all over the place. He was the worst guy ever he suxs. He made a gayline right for me!!!! because I didnt read some gay book.

And then he pulls out this iPod and says "Would you like this free iPod? All it will cost you is money, plus you have to tell your friends to buy one too."

So I told him

I dot like his iPod and niobody does because he is gay and stupid and ugly and retarted and fat. Then I pulled out my Beretta and shot his fuck up, and he tries to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion, a free iPod, and some sick.

No, seriously. He nearly raped me. Even though it wasnt my fault. It was GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!! IT WAS THE WORST SOJOURN EVER.