Sooty & Co.
“They even offended gingers in one episode! GAARRRGH!”
“Warning! Two dangerous criminals, Matthew Corbett and Michael Rosen have broken out of Broadmoor prison. They are considered dangerous you should contact the police if you see them”
“I like babies”
Sooty and Co is a British children's TV hosted by none other than notorious sex offender Matthew Corbett. The show was eventually banned in 1999 and the title of the show was changed to Sooty Heights and new presenter Richard Cadell was introduced the first presenter on the show with no criminal record (that all changed with the episode 'Semen semen everywhere'.) The title changed yet again to just 'Sooty' the next year due to the controversial nature of the 'Heights' part of the title which according to Tipper Gore, the mother of all censorship, was "inappropriate" and displayed Sooty as a ganja smoker who liked to get high (which is true).
General Plot of each Episode
Matthew Corbett runs a playboy house in Manchester, with puppets Sooty (a yellow bear that can wank), Sweep (a stupid dog), Soo (a porn actress panda), and Little Cousin Scampi (another, if smaller, bear that can wank). Sooty and the gang are often getting up to mischief, and it is usually Soo and Matthew that are the more sensible ones (until the guest star turns up, because that's where it gets really interesting.)
A regular visitor at Sooty and Co, is Mo (from the market), and most episodes involve Matthew getting into shit due to the puppets, whether it is having jizz poured over him or crap cakes thrown at his face. Some episodes finish with a song, usually performed by gangsta rappers, and extreme metal bands.
The episodes conclude with the sooty gang and Matthew waving "Piss off, Everybody, piss off." The show was initially shot at the same set that porn channel 'Adult Filth' uses, but since the cast and crew spent so much time on the run, they were forced to change sets every 3-5 episodes. Despite being banned by the Government and wanted by the MI5, the efforts of master hackers and moles within the BBC kept the show broadcasting every week.
History and Creation
Sooty and Co rose to fame in 1990 when Matthew Corbett escaped from Broadmoor prison, after being arrested for armed robbery and breaking and entering (that's what she said) with partner in crime Michael Rosen. Matthew grabbed together all the puppets he could find in his bedroom and said "Fuck it, I'm starting a TV show." Matthew found his friend Richard Cadell (as mentioned before) and made the first episode. The first episode itself was enough to gain Corbett and Cadell the fame in the showbiz world. The episode's name was 'moving in (and out of your arse)'. The very first scene involved the puppets settling nicely into the playboy house playing a game of limp biscuit (which Richard Cadell puts a stop to). In the next scene, Sweep and Kipper upload naked pictures secretly taken of Miki the cat and Soo the panda undressing. The boys high five and 'naked pictures' by the band Electric Six plays in the background. Matthew Corbett sits on his bed explaining how much he loves his new home, to which he is rudely interrupted by Richard Cadell and Michael Rosen in the bedroom next door. Corbett for half a minute straight listens to the dubious noises coming from the bedroom and eventually shouts "Oi! keep it down, poofters." Sooty appears next to him with dreadlocks and a ganja pipe describing how much he loves getting high, which is shocking seeing as Sooty is a puppet and can't talk.
The next scene involves a live performance of 'fucked with a knife' by Cannibal Corpse. A blooper in the production of the episode was when Corbett was supposed to be interviewing the lead singer of the band, but he was no where to be seen. He was found five minutes later about to be tossed off by Soo (more correctly Rosen with Soo on his hand). Unfortunately, this scene was accidentally broadcast. Corbett, after the hectic day of filming the first episode, climbed into bed with his girlfriend Madonna, but their dubious passions are also recorded and broadcasted. It broadcasted for childrens TV all across the world. It was banned within two weeks of it's release. MI5 were sent after the offenders, but the cast of Sooty and Co spent much of their time on the run, setting up makeshift studios. Cadell after this point, left the troupe and was replaced by Madonna and Glen Benton of Deicide.
Many teens and comedy show presenters found it 'hilarious' and the episode was even shown on comedy shows to live audiences. The consensus amongst television critics was that "It was a shame about the five minute overrun, but hey ho, that's the way life goes."
The theme song was sung by Matthew Corbett, Dave Corbett and Morbid Angel at the beginning of each episode.
Hey! Hoes! It's Sooty and his ho!
Everybody scream "You're gay!" ("You're gay!" screams the kids)
There's Sooty and Sweep
Who cummed on Soo
And little cousin Scampi too!
There's Glen Benton, Madonna,
Matthew, Mike and Rich,
Connie and David
Having sex together too!
They'll become your whore
The terrible four
Just you wait and say,
Sooty and Co fucked me!
Sooty and Co fucked me!
(Shout from Matthew) "Sooty and Cocks!"
List of Episodes
1. Moving in (and out of your arse)
2. Crap idea
3. Bloody jolly
4. Semen bubble trouble
5. Anal rapers
6. Cocks galore
7. Sooty's magic solutions to avoiding women (aka. homosexuality)
8. Soo's elastic clitoris
9. Kony trap
10. Soo's spring lubing
11. Sweep on speed
12. Sweep's big accidents
13. Shop lifting
14. Soo's bastard babies (aka. Soo and the gang bang)
15. Sweep's ho
16. Bitch trouble
17. Pelvis driving lesson
18. Sleeping around
19. Treasure cunt
21. Fanny crushing
22. When I was a fag
23. A pain in the arse
24. Higland poo fling
25. Sooty's Christmas pinto (pinto being Portuguese for 'dick')
26. Inappropriate fun in the snow
27. A tart's tale
29. Little fiends
30. Hypnotic prickster
31. Sooty and his ho's Christmas special
32. Sherlock Sooty rides Soo again
33. Moose loose in the house (aka. Matthew's sex skills are outdone by a moose)
34. Birthgay boy
35. You did it Sooty (that's what she said)
36. Everything will go wrong
37. Pulling the willy
38. Lie down with the bitches
39. What can the matter wee?
40. Nature's gay?
41. Final Farewell (piss off everyone for good)
Cocks Galore and other Controversies
The most controversial episode is titled 'Cocks Galore'. It is basically just Sooty masturbating to images of monkeys, and the puppets creating scenes that would inspire extreme horror films such as 'A Serbian Film' and the 'Human Centipede' series. This episode was banned almost instantly, but went viral across the internet.
Other controversies include homophobia, racial insensitivity, antisemitism and execution. The puppets were seen in one episode wearing towels over their heads pretending to be jihadists. They ran amok around Manchester shooting people up with AK-47s. They shot up 10 people and a turnip (it was a pity about the turnip). In another episode, Sweep and Butch are seen saluting Hitler. In the final episode 'Final Farewell (piss off everyone for good), they accidentally spill petrol on scampi causing him to catch fire (as the smoke from Sooty's ganja pipe is always present). Miley Cyrus made her acting debut in this episode and was nearly killed in the fire. In an intoxicated rage, the puppets burnt Miki as well and hung Ramsbottom. The emergency services arrived and took Corbett and Rosen back to broadmoor and five hours later, found Miley Cyrus (she was at the bottom of their priority list).
Aftermath and Future
Sooty and Co is widely considered 'the most evil children's show on Earth'. The future incarnations of the show were superficially more appealing to children, but seeing as Cadell made the episode 'semen semen everywhere', he was also taken to broadmoor along with Madonna, Glen Benton and pretty much anyone else involved with the show. This is effectively where the shows ended, as no one was interested in the boring, politically correct episodes made under the name 'sooty' and ratings flunked. They had a ritual bonfire with the rest of the puppets.