Legitimate use of force

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In the court of law, there are certain situations where the use of violence may be seen as justifiable in the name of self defense. The Geneva Convention describes a list of five situations where is acceptable to choose violence.

  1. If you get cut off in traffic, you have a legal right to hop out of your car and shoot a hole through the back of their head. Most judges view this as a great service to your community, because not only do you reduce carbon emissions and traffic congestion, but you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside you.
  2. When a fast food worker gets your order wrong, you are allowed, and often encouraged to put a bullet between their eyes. This is very commonplace in the United States. In fact, it happens so frequently that nine out of ten McDonalds restaurants are haunted by the souls of the damned.
  3. In the event of a divorce, if neither parent wants custody of the child, you are legally allowed to kill it. This is because children are not intelligent enough to feel pain, which makes them very similar to dogs or cats.
  4. You can kill your mom if she tries to make you get out of the house and get a job.
  5. Every citizen reserves the right to murder a famous singer/rapper for making a song that is objectively fucking terrible and harmful to the human ear. The most recent example of something like this happening is the rapper Tom Macdonald, who was brutally stabbed to death in 2020 after releasing his song “Snowflakes”. Other notable examples include Imagine Dragons, Ed Sheeran, Chance The Rapper, Rebecca Black, and of course, Justin Bieber.