Frybread is a deadly, fattening, nutritionally void, deep-fried golden dough pancake. Originally invented by Dr. Destructoidio to exterminate all “Indians” faster than clubbing all their bison down, frybread has become a staple of the diets of pedestrians, Taco Bell fanatics, underpaid Taco Bell employees, Mr. Tumble, Big Bird, and you.
To make room for a highly advanced Anglo Saxon wonderland, Dr. Destructoidio forced Navajos off their vegetable gardens, offering them tonnes of powdered, dried food to prevent starvation. Using his scary megaphone, Dr. Destructoidio shouted “MAKE SOME FRIED BREAD DOUGH OR SOMETHING! Or my comrades will beat you with a whip!”
Such an event was known as “The Long Walk”.
Fearing for their lives, the Navajos mixed up some flour, water, dried milk, dried eggs, and made a dough out of it, frying it in lard or bacon fat until crisp.
According to Captain Obvious, the creation of frybread is incredibly simple for simpletons. You basically make some bread dough, flatten it out, and you fry it in piping hot gutter oil. To put vegetables or spices into your frybread, you have to have OVER 9000 functioning neurons in your brain, you little wimp.
- The Smeggy Veggie - tons of diced veggies - preferably onions and chili peppers. Bonus: you’ll experience the joy of listening to anthropomorphic vegetables shrieking.
- Nutella Bread - Italian slaves and commodity bread united. Chocolate goo tops a lard pancake.
- PBJay - Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Grape goo and nut sludge!
- The Colonial Hulk - PEPSI-MAN’s diabetic urine syrup, diced Twinkies and Hershey's, and a truckload of Cheese Jesus.
- The Bethel - diced olives, Burger King Foot Lettuce, Butch Hartman’s toenail clippings, frankincense oil, Plexus protein powder, and shredded-up OAXIS junk mail.
- Drew Pickles - OVER 9000 pickles, Shirako (fish squirts), diced turkey meat sticks, and Stu’s chocolate pudding.
It’s Deadly Effects
Frybread dramatically increases the risk of alzheimer’s, extreme obesity, AssBurgers, becoming a star on My 600 Pound Life, pimples, gangrene, being outcasted by society more than the AVGN and Chuggaconroy, and becoming a walking Fukushima nuclear radiation plant - emitting stinky-ness and grease instead of uranium.
Protests Against Frybread
As commanded by the divine lords Atheist Jesus, Sonichu, and Lord Tumble, the people of South Dakota are on a jihad to wipe this lethal substance off the face of the earth. The Sioux Chef conceptualized non-frybread foods, shouting “FRYBREAD IS DEAD!”, holding up signs, and marching on South Dakota’s streets against the chubby chalupa bread.
Because of this, the Sioux Chef is being imprisoned in an Alabama concentration camp by the CCP and United States government. The captives are being force fed irradiated Twinkies, being whipped with Twizzlers, and force fed Coca Cola from a hose. They also have to pick cotton and okra on $1 daily.