Forum:Who is Benson?

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Who is Benson? I've seen userboxes about Benson, mentions of the League of Benson, and now I'm curious. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 00:26, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

I do believe this link will help. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 01:18, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Interesting --Brayds2006 01:26, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Thank you, sir (and by sir I mean UNKNOWNFILE). I had seen that and forgotten about it. Next question: Why do you worship BENSON if he has declared that he will one day kill/own you all? --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 01:37, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Because maybe then he'll take pity on us? --» >UF|TLK|▋» 02:45, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Benson does not give pity. Those who worship Benson will be killed last and their deaths shall be painless and quick unlike the unbelievers. We all came from Benson's couch, and those who worship Benson will be killed by Benson last and end up back in his couch to be with Benson for all eternity. The prophecy was that Benson kills everyone, and it is a true one. Yet Benson chooses who dies last, and who ends up in his couch. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 04:19, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU

That is all you need to know. --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 07:32, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

How is BENSON better than Lord Fluffy? I resent this assertion, sir! But yes, I do agree that worship is a good way to get mercy. And I think that I like this BENSON. I hereby propose an alliance between BENSON and Lord Fluffy. What say you, BENSON? --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 17:37, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

BENSON is the guy who invented those gas burner thingies: Benson burners. He had for years experimented with fart control, and finally -- after multiple asshole burns -- he succeeded in creating a controllable flame. Unfortunately, many on Uncyc are bored as hell with his flaming, and the flaming of his only slightly comical followers: some of us believe they take BENSON a bit too seriously. As a meme he's past his due date, and like rancid yoghurt he has developed a bit of a pong. Which is why he is over here and not on the main forum. Sorry, I myself am extremely humorless today. Grouchy. Pissed-off. Testicles in a knot. Stupid, stupid Yokogawa software. ----OEJ 17:46, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

/me sidles away from OEJ nervously --Sir Jam 17:52, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

BENSON has two days to respond YEA or NAY to my proposal. No response by ten o'clock on Wednesday will result in a retraction of my offer. Please note that such a failure will lose you the help of my genetically engineered army in your quest for world domination. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 19:03, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

This kind of demand is quite bold. BENSON doesn't have to say anything to you. If I were him, I would smite you on the spot for such a proposal. He is far above your level. Don't even joke about that kinda crap. --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 20:27, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

BENSON reckons that BENSON don't start no alliances wif nobody! BENSON invites you to join the League of BENSON, however. You can replace Nin (may he rest in pieces). Benson 20:42, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Very well, sir. I am unable to concede that anyone is better than I am, but extend to you the hand of friendship. Who is Nin and what did he do? Pleased to hear from you at last. I thought that something like that would get your attention... No offense meant. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 21:38, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

You sure think you're hot stuff, don't you? If I were you, I would take my lame-named sorry ass over to the little land of BeforeBENSONonbendedkneeland and do me some conceding. --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 22:06, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Though I appreciate your input, I believe that BENSON is capable of speaking for himself. Your crass commentary was not required, and I would thank you to be silent. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 22:29, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

To avoid a flamewar, I'll just let BENSON say what he will and I'll back off from picking apart your horribly cliched name any further. I'm off. --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 22:40, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

I am pleased that you wish to avoid confrontation. I really have no interest in fighting with anyone. I would enjoy carrying on a discussion with all of you, especially the famous BENSON. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 22:59, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Nin was Nintendorulez, a brave BENSONite warrior (see here). He got banned for sticking with BENSON. Even though you don't want to join the League, BENSON is still happy to see you here. But to all of you already in the League, you're stuck here! DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET OUT! You already signed the agreement, you're in for life, that's that. Now THAT is how you run a cult! Benson 23:01, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

That's basically the way I preach in BENSON's name right now. Threatening nonbelievers isn't funny (and it almost got us banned), so now I try to deal with BENSON haters by spreading the love that BENSON preaches to them. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 23:04, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

...I love Uncyclopedia. -- 23:12, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Heehee...I'm not even in the LoB. Though I'm still mustering up the courage to join. I might be brave enough to apply on Wednesday (depends on if there's snow) --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 23:24, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

I mourn the loss of a brave fighter for your cause, BENSON. I, too, have lost warriors. I agree with flyingfeline that this is shaping up to be a highly entertaining discussion. I encourage Gustav in his endeavor, and am sure that he shall be a good member of the League. I must go. I shall return tomorrow. Good night. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 23:59, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

The Chronicles of BENSON, Ch. XII, Sec. IV All yea who knoweth of BENSON, take heed, for interesting things have transpired. In a display of courage and boldness never before seen in a puny monkey, at least not one who was polite, The Fluffy Lord, Whose Name Is Amusing Even Without This Gratuitous Renaming, declared that he (or she, for the Chronicler doth not wished to be sued for political incorrectness) could not accept BENSON as his superior. In spite of this severe mental handicap, he did propose that an alliance be formed between them, to prevent the otherwise inevitable destruction of the universe that would occur if these two powers were to fight. Even though The Fluffy Lord is, judging from ego alone, probably at least Three Hundred and Twelve Million Billion times greater than the average puny human, he is still only One Trillionth of One Half of One Percent of the greatness of BENSON'S little finger. After The Visually Impaired Jack in the Box made a wise albeit snide comment, BENSON reasserted this fact, but chose to allow the Fluffy One to enter the League of BENSON rather than snuffing the puny heathen outright. The Fluffy One politely declined, but the tension was still enough to split an atom. How history would record the events that were to follow depended on whomever offered the Chronicler more money. In the name of the Holy BENSON, Fluff makes me sneeze.

--»The Acceptable Cainad (Fnord) 03:15, 13 February 2007 (UTC)

Cainad, that was delicious, but I regret that I have no time this evening. I shall write and make monetary offers tomorrow. Did Gustav join the League? --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 02:11, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

Checks my userpage (click about gustav) --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 02:22, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

I am happy for you, Gustav. As for you, Cainad, I offer you the contents of my pockets... hmm... twelve inch switchblade, Desert Eagle, eight ounce gold nugget, lint (unique item!), bag of Skittles, thumbscrew, Playboy, six-pack of beer, nine silver dubloons (recovered from the pirate ship Arrgh!), white spraypaint, Flemish dictionary/thesaurus, set of drumsticks, and a fresh salmon. BENSON, your followers were chosen well. By the way, does anyone here ever feel that he or she is being watched? I do, but only on alternate Thursdays. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 16:27, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

It wouldn't be wise to watch me very closely, I can freeze slower comps. Mr. Briggs Inc. 21:27, 14 February 2007 (UTC) Eh?

I saw your userpage, Monsieur Briggs Incorporated, and I think that your claim is valid. My computer nearly gave up on me. I think that BENSON, having gained power as he did, is deserving of an award, one which I have given to several of the users I have met.

LORD FLUFFY, WHO RAINS FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS, HATH GIVEN THEE THE GIFT OF PIE.

I require information on the other, non-BENSON related groups on Uncyclopedia. Will anyone offer such data? Other than the fact that they are not as great as BENSON or BENSONism? --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 01:02, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

There was Powershot but BENSON happened to crush that. --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 06:40, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

There was Conspiracy Theory guy, but he was crushed before BENSON could even get close enough. --»The Acceptable Cainad (Fnord) 17:28, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

Hah, yeah. And <insert name here> got owned by BENSON in the early stages of noobdom. Didn't have a chance. --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 17:40, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

Don't make me panic like that, I still haven't realised when that template's being used. --Symuun 18:46, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

I love that template...it makes people think they're important. --love, gustav ^{talk at me}_nope 19:43, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

I HATE THAT TEMPLATE. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 23:29, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

That template hates you. In fact, it haet haet hats you.

Ah, the "Username" template. I love that one. I was about to take umbrage at it, but realized what it was. That was wonderful, Gustav. I applaud your thinking. Nintendorulez seems to me to have been a quite decent fellow. I disagree with any who claims that what Famine did was just. See my argument/suggestion under the "Last Will and Testament of Nintendorulez" in the Village Dump. No admin should use his or her power in that manner. "Who watches the watchers?" (The Watchmen) --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 23:18, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

Meh. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 14:09, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

Attention! New Information about Benson discovered

Benson is... This information has been collected via Google, that great stalk search engine. My favourite one is "benson is about 16 years old but sometimes he acts much younger". Oh, and the final one is just spooky: "benson is the sole owner of the information collected on this site". -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 19:26, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

Where does it say "BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU because he speaks in ALL CAPS?" --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 21:44, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

If you scroll further down it will say that he's between 3 and 410. --~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

23:41, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

WHAT?! BENSON is at least 500. I lost count after 450. That goes to show: the internet is full of lies and only lies. Except for my last sentence. And that sentence. Benson 00:11, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

There is nothing but LIES on that website.--Scott 00:46, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

Presumably Benson, you're not averse to the idea that: 'benson is the current living prophet of the lds church and his teachings are to "always take precedence"'. I didn't know you'd got yourself a church - I thought you preferred the pancake house. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 00:55, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

The pancake house IS the church of BENSON. --General Insineratehymn 01:05, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

Thank you all for the data. I myself lost count of my age at approximately two hundred ninety three, what with all my mucking about in the folds of the space-time continuum. I enjoy pancakes- in fact, I am quite proficient at making them. ...I am not sure what to say, so I think that I will introduce my companion, Bakh-Set, a high spirit of the flaming darkness. He looks a bit like a great intangible miasma of reddish-purplish-black flame with coiling, stretching pseudopods flowing through solid objects. He has no mouth, nose, ears, eyes, etc., but strangely one knows exactly where he's looking at one from. One can also tell what expression he's making. A peculiar fellow, even by my standards. He and I usually have tea and scones on Sunday and Monday. He communicates telepathically, and he can't type, but he says to say hello. Hmm. Well, if you all will excuse me, I must take my clams to the dry cleaner. They're a bit grungy- and a grungy clam can't keep a steady tempo, you know. The dirt clogs up their shells. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 18:20, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

That's a good template. I'll be more careful. I, too, would like to extend the hand of friendship to BENSON (basically because he doesn't seem to be an asshole or a bully and he can do really neat things with computers and pancakes.) He seems to be a strange, noble creature, the similarity to Samuel L. Jackson notwithstanding. There's probably a reason that so many "people" like him. "Behold, He is invisible like the cows and yet is not a cow." (myself) I am glad the threat of the c***l has passed.--Schizo Master 15:28, 5 March 2007 (UTC)