Classic Dick Cheese™

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Classic Dick Cheese™ is a cheese brand mainly consisted out of organic monkey smegma.

Origin[edit | edit source]

The idea was first coined in late 2014 by an unknown man from southeastern Europe, presumably an Ex-Yugoslav country, on a now-deleted Reddit post, but it wasn't until September, 2016, that the first package was sold in a small-franchise supermarket, that denies ever selling such item.

Description[edit | edit source]

The label itself only states the date of production, date of expiry, the contents (sebaceous secretion found under the foreskin of the trachypithecus poliocephalus, and salt) and a very vague description of how it was made. The word "Classic" is not very accurate considering the fact the oldest known packaging is produced on the 6th of September, 8:02 AM (CET)

The Grand October Return[edit | edit source]

As of Monday, October 3rd, a month after its first appearance, Classic Dick Cheese™ made a comeback on the shelves of a Bosnian hypermarket chain. The renewed packaging was made by Ólafur Svartfjal, a Norwegian food packaging designer who currently resides in Trebinje, inspired by the work of Spanish artist Salvador Dali. The whole project was lead by Blagoslav Petricic, a Serbian entrepreneur and cheese enthusiast. When asked about the reason of him taking over the production, his reply was: "I did it for cheese." He also released a detailed description on the making of a tub of Dick Cheese.

How-to[edit | edit source]

First, having the proper tools. The specialized Kurcogrebac (literal translation - Dick Scratcher) is the most valuable tool a dick cheese maker can have. Second, start collecting. Your primate friend should produce enough for a spoonful in a week, so be sure to have enough primate friends

Flavours[edit | edit source]