Portal:Art
The Art Portal
Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.
Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.
As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.
- ↑ Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
Featured Artistic Art Article
On the 4th of June, 2024, The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to the art works of one of this countries premier young artists. Pau Pei, originally from the Chinese province of Onthera Dio, is presenting his latest collection “The Concentric Curiosities.” Below is a selection of some of the highlights of the collection for your perusal and prospective purchase.[1]
Pre-display purchases can be made over the phone and via the website. Payment methods taken are Cheque, money order, Credit card (Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club and American Express accepted), Debit Card, Cash, Paypal, International Draft (excluding the Royal Bank of Nigeria), and Cash Passport.
Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
This Week's Featured Image
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Centuries before the invention of Japanese Tentacle Porn, Italian Renaissance artist Antonio Allegri da Correggio was the leading figure in the seedy and ofttimes disturbing world of 16th Century Cloud Porn. His paintings, such as Jupiter and Io (depicted above), changed hands for as much as 30 pieces of silver in private shops which were ever fearful of raids by the Italian Vice Squad after the material was made illegal in 1528 following the Cloud P case of the previous year, during which legal experts concluded that anyone exposed to such material was likely to themselves carry out acts of depravity upon innocent cumulonimbusi. Fucking wierdos.
| Archive | Article credit: RabbiTechno | (more ) |
Art News on Uncyclopedia
- Are aliens visiting Earth to steal artistic ability from humans?
- European critics praise American performance artist
- Bellagio unveils Toon Erotica exhibit
- Contemporary art piece sells for £193000, worth more than man's life
Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
Highlighted Biography
Rolf Harris was born in a swimming pool in Australia (though it was rumoured he was actually born in a kangaroo's pouch, hence his nickname "Rolfaroo"). Some say he was sent by Satan to rule the world (and KFC for that matter). He was initially christened Jake Peg, (adding "the" later on as an adult) and became a three-legged waltz champion, but his distant cousin Colonel Sanders, (himself a look-a-like of Rolf), was infuriated with this as it was scary for children seeing a picture of Rolf on several KFC advertisments. He paid for his extra leg to be removed and it was then used, in theory, for the 2nd line of the Swastika on the Nazi flag. All together now! Swastika on the Nazi flag....
Art Quote
— Mrs. Picasso
Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)
Did You Know...
- ...that Picasso was gay?
- ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
- ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
Further Reading
Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:
Artsy Art Articles
Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Music | Photoshop | Latte art | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Conceptual Art | Architecture | UnBooks:Vincent Van Gogh's Things To Do on a Rainy Afternoon
What You Can Do To Help
- Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
- Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
- Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
- Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
- Be as artistic as you possibly can
- Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
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- ↑ Descriptions taken from the original “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art: A Visitors Guide” by Professor Oliver N Acute-Tell, curator of “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art”