Portal:Technology
 Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Technology portal Code Monkey's favorite page for computing, gadgets and machinations.
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| A rare Red-Breasted Wardrobe, thought to be extinct. |
A wardrobe is a horrible creature of yore known for inhabiting the attics of old professors' homes and eating small children. Wardrobes cause those in and around them to believe they are in a fantastic land fraught with magical peril, an effect theorized to be caused by the mushrooms that grow deep within the wardrobe's usually musty body cavity.
From the Beginning
In the early 16th century, adventurer Parco Molo set out on an epic quest to find, name, and subsequently kill every species of animal in the world. But he never expected to encounter such a terrible monster as the wardrobe. Wardrobes, of course, have existed long before man - possibly even before time. The local tribesmen of the Commonwealth of England had told Molo of such a creature they called "The Royal Wardrobe," or "Great Wardrobe." At the time, Parco dismissed the thought of a seven-story high behemoth that consumed mass amounts of orphans as a mere legend, but it was not. (This massive wardrobe was also used as a storehouse for royal accouterments, housing arms and clothing - among other personal items of the Crown.)
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It's better if you eat the donut than try to travel through it.
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Did You Know...
Quote of the Day
“I do not fear computers. I fear online chatrooms.”
Highlighted Biography
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| Steve and Steve peddling their wares. |
Stephen Gary Bozniak Wozniak, known as the "Wizard of Woz", is a magical garden gnome with curiously large nostrils who, along with Steve Jobs, is credited with creating the first personal computer, although his expertise really lies in the art of carpet sculpting.
Early Life
Steve Wozniak was born to a family of Keebler Elves, but he hated cookies and biscuit crackers because of his diabetes. Although it was short-lived, in his early teenage years he was inspired to run away from home after watching the movie Pinocchio, but his family eventually convinced him to stay home and pursue his interest in puppets and animatronics through education. After high school, he enrolled in Wyotech vocational school, but later dropped out to follow the Grateful Dead as a Jerry Garcia look-alike.…
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Technology Spotlight
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| Artist's depiction of a cookie clicker. |
A cookie clicker is a tool designed specifically in order to "click" cookies, punching holes into them. Cookie clickers, since their initial invention in the 1970s, have been used for a variety of purposes in the kitchen, including clicking cookies (their original purpose), making cucumber and steak skewers, and making ring-shaped dessert toppings.
A typical cookie clicker has a long lever which is used to push a bladed cylinder, the clicker, straight through cookies up to 1/2 an inch in thickness, and then through a close-fitting hole in the die. As the vertical travel distance of the cylinder is less than an inch, it can be positioned within about 1.2 inches of the lever fulcrum. For smaller cookie clickers, meant to slice through thinner, Subway-style cookies, the resulting lever need not be more than 3 inches for sufficient force.
The clicker's diameter generally varies between each clicker; a hole size of 1/4 inch allows for a a donut-shaped 3/4-to-1 inch cookie, whilst a 1/2 inch hole is generally favored for medium-sized cookies. Occasionally, a 1-inch hole is used for larger cookies and other foodstuffs (such as steak).
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