Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To
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| Contents: 100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1 |
- See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.
According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to bring their own condoms.
* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.
126."In the Navy" - Village People
125."Last Resort" - Papa Roach
124."Rappin' for Jesus" - Pastor Jim
123."Sex Offender Shuffle" - Scott Gaidner
122."Jaws Theme" - John Williams
121-111[edit | edit source]
121."Sugar Walls"- Sheena Easton
120."Trololo" - Eduard Khil
119."O'Children" - Nick Cave
118."Think I'd Better Leave Right Now" - Will Young
117."I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
116."Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin
115."Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island
114."Keep it on Wax" - Alexisonfire
113."Bite the Pain" - Death
112."Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick" – Bring Me The Horizon
111."Already Over" - Red
110-101[edit | edit source]
110."The Morning After" - Faith No More
109."Best of Both Worlds" - Hannah Montana
108."Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
107."Creep" - Radiohead
106."Family Guy Theme Song" - Barney
105."Maneater" - Hall & Oates
104."How Do You Like Me Now?" - Toby Keith
103."We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart
102."Pretty Fly" - The Offspring (Give it to me baby..uh-huh, uh-huh.) I think you get the idea.
101."We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel
100-91[edit | edit source]
100."Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin
99."You Suffer" - Napalm Death: You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!
98."The Final Contdown" - Europe
97."Revolution #9" - The Beatles
96."Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park
- I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out
95."A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA
94."Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.
93."Raining Blood" - Slayer
92."A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash
91."Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex
90-81[edit | edit source]
90."Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners
89."Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons
88."To Rid the Disease" - Opeth
87."I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts
86."Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
85."Bone Broke" - The White Stripes
84."The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster
83."Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats
82."I Want To Break Free" - Queen
81."Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith
80-71[edit | edit source]
80."I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
79."Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen
78."The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin
77."Fake It" - Seether
76."Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash
75."I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles
74."Silent Night"
73."She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"
72."Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
71."It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls
70-61[edit | edit source]
70."Doin' The Mess Around" - Ray Charles
69."Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65
68."Rape Me" - Nirvana
67."How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
67."Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith
66."I Think I'm Going Bald" - Rush
65."Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn
64."Who Are You" - The Who
63."Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
62."Macho Man" - Village People
60-51[edit | edit source]
60."Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton
59."Impossible Brutality" - Kreator
57."Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon
56."Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer
55."Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk
54."Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen
53."Pain" - Three Days Grace
52."She's Got Balls" - AC/DC
51."Only The Young" - Journey
50-41[edit | edit source]
50."Strange Brew" - Cream
49."It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr
48."Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions
47."I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
46."Cold As Ice" - Foreigner
45."So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section
44."Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass
43."Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden
42."I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse
41."The Camera Eye" - Rush
40-31[edit | edit source]
40."They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties
39."Old Man" - Neil Young
38."Touch Me" - The Doors
37."Fucked to Death" - Devourment
36."For My Father" - Andy Mckee
35."Pull the Plug" - Death
34."The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang
33."Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem
32."U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer
31."Virus Alert" - Weird Al Yankovic
30-21[edit | edit source]
30."Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd
29.""Land Down Under"" - Men At Work
28."Abducted" - Hypocrisy
27."Strangers Like Me" - Phil Collins
26."Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
25."Taste My…" - Chimaira
24."Die By the Sword" - Slayer
23."Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
22."Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
21."Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D
20-11[edit | edit source]
20."Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police
19."Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka
18."Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
17."I Get Around" - The Beach Boys
16."April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel
- (especially if it's February)
15."She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd
14."Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles
13."Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
12."Satisfaction" - (The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.)
11."Peanut Butter Jelly Time"
10-1[edit | edit source]
10."Violent Pornography" - System of a Down
- (Unless you're into that sort of thing.)
9."Stop" - Pink Floyd
8."Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
7."Loser" - Beck
6."I Touch Myself" - Divinyls
5."Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter
4."Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song" - Weird Al Yankovic
3."Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
2."Distant Early Warning" - Rush
1."Bette Davis Eyes" - Kim Carnes
Special Edition: All Time Songs You're Never Supposed to Have Sex To:
0."I'm Coming Out" - Diana Ross
-1."You Keep Me Hangin' On!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes
