WiL Francis
“I.. can't let you do that, WiL Francis!”
“Wil Francis is on my to rape list!”
“Would I fuck him? Yeah, I'd fuck him”
“There is a new lord of Angst, and his name, is WiL Francis”
“William "Insert Gay Joke" Francis has never really Tickled My Fancy, But He has Gobbled My Giblets”
WiL Francis is the oober sexy lead singer of the band Aiden and a propaganda tool well utilised by communists under their newly assumed identity of posers. Originally hired by Boy George (as a prostitute of course) to help spread the oppressive political views such as dark clothing and heaps of eyeliner via the media as propaganda, WiL was also targeted by James O'Barr to help promote The Crow movies and graphic novels as a ploy to earn more royalties from his sales. Not wanting to pay Francis in money for his services, O'Barr provided him with marijuana and babies instead. This led to Francis pursuing a life of drugs, baby fucking, and baby eating which resulted in numerous visits to rehab clinics. It is also generally believed Hitler secretly had WiL assist with Leni Riefenstahl in the production of Triumph of the Wills and that if you play Aiden's songs backwards you will hear pro-Nazi messages. I'd just like to say right here that sexylicious as he is, WiL is a very talented vocalist (dead serious, I'm really loving Aiden's song Hurt Me) so unlike most famous people, he has a purpose.
History[edit | edit source]
WiL Francis was born on in Seattle,Washington born on the 8th of January 1982.
Before he joined the band Aiden, he was a temorary member of N-Sync and he still "hooks up" with Justin Timberlake at the weekends where they exchange hair and make-up tips.
Over Exaggerated Life[edit | edit source]
William Roy Francis, Was Born on January 8th 1982 on The Kitchen Floor in His Parent's House, Rather than being Traditionally Conceived, WiL was Shat out of His Father's Anus, (Which explains why every Photo of Him looks like Shite) His Childhood Years were very rough, For His 8th Birthday He wanted a Swatch, Atari and a Keytar But His Dyslexic Mother misread His Birthday Wish-List and bought Him a Swiss Army Knife, WiL was very Angry, So Angry that He Stabbed and Raped His Sister's Care Bear Plush Toys, His Teenage Years were much Worse, He became Obsessed with Pogs, And the popular '90's Fad "Less Is More", Inspired, He sold all His most prized Posessions (Including His Swiss Army Knife) to His Childhood Sweetheart, (Who didn't Exist) Suddenly He felt Lonely, He felt like Nobody REALLY got Him Y'know?, He spent His Time Alone in His Room listening to Sunny Day Real Estate, It was then that His Parents held an Intervention and sent Him to Catholic School, Where He met Me, Father O' Flannigan, He went through Years of Physical and Mental Abuse, Before Forming Fag-Core Band Aiden, His Pain was well Documented In Their 2004 Release "Our Gangs Dark Oath". Who ever wrote this is the biggest mother fucking jew I have ever met and I hope you die of gay testicular cancer.
I Haven't seen Him Since - Father O' Flannigan
As a Porn Star[edit | edit source]
As a way to get back at His using Parents, WiL spent a short amount of time in the porn industry where he would pose naked for various magazines for a paycheck. This also gained much publicity for his band, Aiden as many of the women and gay men who read those magazines soon became Aiden fans themselves. Even Oscar Wilde is said to be particularly fond of Francis and was once quoted saying WiL Francis is written with a capital L for love. After many years, he resigned from porn starism, as the director's became increasingly annoyed with demands for more eyeliner and his band Aiden as back ground music.
World of Warcraft[edit | edit source]
WiL Francis is known to frequent the World of Warcraft when he is not recording or just whenever he has a spare moment. He is a brutal player who doesn't hesitate to kill and goes under the name of 41d3n1337. He is also known to speak mostly if not entirely in l33t. According to statistics from Blizzard Entertainment WiL is one of the World's strongest players, beating millions of Korean nerds and MMORPG addicts everywhere. He is also known for having a level 101 Dragon Knight on the Global Maple Story server and being in a guild with Marilyn Manson, Gerard Way and Michael Jackson. da da...
Aiden[edit | edit source]
After having a short stint on the Nickelodeon show Drake and Josh, William Roy Francis began to become dyslexic, and began to spell his name WiL Francis to avoid misspells. The name caught the attention of scene noobs, most of which being overweight guitar players. These guitar players were then known as A.I.D.E.N, or Angels In Dark, Empty Neighborhoods. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Many of their songs, while seemingly interesting, are brought to the attention of pre-teen emotional children with songs about love, hate, and fetishes. Aiden is known in Germany as "DarkShit," or 'really bad shit.' But, I digress, they still listen to it, and have sold near 12 copies in Germany alone.
By 2011, Aiden noticed a change. Their fat bodies no longer wanted food, and slowly lost weight. The only way for them to lose weight was to have no money, meaning they had to find a way to sell no CD's. So, in 2011, Aiden hit the gym, and then hit the studio for their least brutal album, Disguises. each of the 11 songs consisted of hatred towards "The Dark One," or WiL's mother, who refused to let them record in the Francis household. The last song, entitled 'Radio,' is a cover song to commemorate the razorblades WiL used to cut himself, taken directly from the anus of his suicidal dog, who he named Radio after the retarded guy in that movie with the black coach. Who would've thought, a black retard.
Since the release of Disguises in 2011, Aiden has sold no cds, leaving them poor and in shape. They circle the globe performing at shows nobody goes to, in hopes they will be in so much debt that they will never be fat again.
William Control[edit | edit source]
Some point after being cheated on by his Porn Star girlfriend Mandy Valor "Fatass Bitch Whore who needs to die" Kand, WiL became possessed by the same horrible entity that controlled Winston Churchill, Peter Murphy, Jack the Ripper and Nick Cave and promptly walked outside and wandered until he stumbled across Victorian London. Here he walked into a fetish BDSM club but thought he had tripped, snapped his neck and gone to hell. He happened to notice that in Hell, there was an abundance of stylish hats. So the confused british people watched as he injected himself with a thousand gallons of morphine, attempted to kill himself with a stylish leather belt, failed, and wrote an entire album about hell. Then one of the British fetish club goers explained to him that he was actually just on tons of drugs and really angry, and he had wandered into a Hat Shop from the club. WiL, now calling himself William Control, proceeded to release the album calling it Hat Culture. Unfortunately he lost this album in a fire he started for "no particular reason", and so he re-wrote it using only a broken synthesizer, creating an Electro-Goth Sex Sounds with a little bit of techno for flare masterpiece. It was also thought that Cthulhu was some how related in the creation of the album. So far at least 14 people have bought the album and an entire 17 people went to the shows collectively. Some of the songs on Hat Culture are "Deaf Club", "Dildo's Edge", "Disgusting Loser", "Whipping Bauhaus", "Horse Tranquilzer" and many many more.
The new album includes more synth-induced, drug taking sex-songs including "I'm only a massive dickhead sometimes", "Dorian Gay" and "Why shag the devil when you can have my STD's" William Control has taken on a new phase of bullshit and a representative for Alternative Press described the album saying that "it's lot of things, I've never seen anything like it... and I sure hope I never do again."
Discography[edit | edit source]
Albums[edit | edit source]
Aiden:
- Our Gang's Back Alley Rapings
- Fatman's Visectimy
- If you like Pino Coladas (while getting caught in the Rain in hell)
- THE BEST ALBUM EVER (AND IF YOU THINK IT WAS BAD THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF! (2007)
- knives (2009)
- Disguises*
The Wiggles:
- The Wiggles Party Mix
William Control
Singles[edit | edit source]
- Pie Romantic
- I Wrap My Friends in Saran Wrap
- We Sleep Together
- One Slut
- Second
- Scavengers of the Innocent
- Let The Slut In
- Portrait Of The Gay Man
- Flashing the Blind
Filmography[edit | edit source]
- Triumph of the Wills as assistant director.
- Edward Scissorhands as Johnny Depp
- The Crow (planned 2030 remake) as The Crow
- Aiden: The Movie as Davey Havok
Fan Following[edit | edit source]
“I.. can't let you do that, WiL Francis!”
WiL has gained quite a fair following amongst fans with the majority of them being women to whom he serves as a sex symbol and mallgoths brainwashed by his messages.
Francis's fans can be broken down to the following:
Notes[edit | edit source]
- WiL Francis is hot!
- You would like to have him all to yourself.
- You are probably considering undergoing plastic surgery in order to look like him.
- Admit you can't stop staring at his crotch.
- WiL is richer than you.
- He owns a new high definition TV.
- He eats.
- He breathes.
- He sleeps.
- He goes to the toilet.
- He's probably even touches himself without your knowledge.
- You are reading an Uncyclopedia article on him written by Some Guy who just happens to be a fag.
- WiL knows your mum, he's played bingo with her.
- WiL is GOD
- WiL has a nice ass.
- He has two legs and two arms.
- He used to wear nappies.
- He bare knuckle brawls bears.
- you want to be his knife blood nightmare.
- WiL is a Fag.
- WiL used to stalk Pensioners
- WiL once had Nasal sex with his pet Hamster (until it dumped him for being too Queer) 't was the only Love he ever knew.
- These notes make wiL sound like Chuck Norris.
- WiL stole Doc's DeLorean to travel back in Time to the '60's, Where He Anally Raped His Dad, And became His own Father.