This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Hello, dear friend. Well, I guess now we're enemies—after that poop incident. Goddamn it, I hate you. "Any-who", I see you've noticed that you're in Hell. You're saying, "What has happened to me? Why am I dead?"
Hello again, dear "friend".
So, I assume you're wondering why you're dead. Wait, I know. You had that Immortal Energy Drink, that was supposed to make you "immortal". You're stupid.
Anyhow, let me tell you. During that poop incident, you made me so mad. You set me on fire. You made me want to eat myself. You made me so mad, that I decided to just go ahead and kill you.
But why would I kill you?
That's a good question. Why'd I kill you? Why would I do something like that? I'm a good friend, right? After all, it was me who tried to help you in that poop incident. But. Let me tell you why I killed you.
Hey! Wait a second, you're not supposed to be able to say that! Why would someone be alive when they're dead? I thought you were dead, like in heaven or something!
OK, whatever. Anyways, let me tell you why I killed you.
I hate you. Not always, just after that poop incident. You suck! When you were like, "Dumbledore dies on page 596!" Ugh, fuck you man! You wouldn't just spoil the best book in the world while I was reading it!
"So that's why you killed me?"
No! Any-whore, Let me tell you why I killed you. Wait no, first let me tell you how I killed you.
- We had that poop incident.
- I hated you: you made me so mad. You set me on fire. You made me want to eat myself. You made me so mad, that I decided to just go ahead and kill you.
- You went home.
- I decided to kill you.
- I got my .32 ACP 8 mm caliber.
- I went into your home.
- I studied it.
- I went into your house.
- I noticed you sleeping.
- BAM! I shot you 20 times.
"WHY'D YOU KILL ME, THOUGH?"
Oh yeah. I don't remember, really, but I think I might know: I hated you. You made me so mad. You set me on fire. You made me want to eat myself. You made me so mad, that I decided to just go ahead and kill you.